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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24002371">beautiful feeling</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonjeonghan/pseuds/yoonjeonghan'>yoonjeonghan</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band), WAYV</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>127 and dream are kinda minor characters, Alternate Universe - Highschool, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten-centric, Geographical Inaccuracies, Historical Inaccuracy, M/M, Slice of Life, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, a lot of inaccuracies, earth boy!xiaojun, fire boy!hendery, flower boy!kun, im literally just doing whatever for my plot, light boy!winwin, plot if you squint, set in Japan, shadow boy!ten, water boy!yangyang, wayv-centric, wind boy!lucas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:07:54</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>34,083</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24002371</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoonjeonghan/pseuds/yoonjeonghan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>a 365 day step-by-step guide to winning qian kuns heart, written by ten lee.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Taeyong/Mark Lee, Qian Kun/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>92</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. day 1 — 01/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>kuns birthday. there are fireworks, alcohol, and a gift to remember.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this fic is going to be a collection of 365, short one shots. kunten is the main ship, and its ten centric. this first chapter will introduce most of what this fic is going to be about, and after that it'll be followed up by one-shots.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>fireworks were almost as beautiful as henderys fire, but not quite. fireworks bursted in the sky and sent streaks of colour through the dark, but hendery glowed with the warmth of infinite fireplaces, and that's why ten could confidently called their little group a home.</p><p> </p><p>tonight was kuns birthday, also known as new years. they were gathered in sichengs apartment, known for its spectacularly huge balcony, and equally as spectacular view to any events' fireworks. as the little city square below launched fireworks in the air, the mountains surrounding nagaoka city were revealed as silhouettes in the night.</p><p> </p><p>ten heard lucas mumble something about being cold, and henderys fire grew bigger. he turned around to make sure none of the leaves woven between kuns hair were catching fire, and lets out a sigh after seeing only one source of light.</p><p> </p><p>sichengs parents were away on a business trip, which is why sicheng has the place all to himself. they were away a lot, but sicheng still managed to keep a good relationship with them somehow. only for tonight, tens dark aura radiated more faintly than any other day, while sichengs light grew brighter. they were polar opposites, but yet they got along better than ten ever did with anyone else with dark magic like his.</p><p> </p><p>they came back into the apartment when the fireworks got boring. ten tossed a bottle of yakult soju to lucas, who swiftly caught it with both hands.</p><p> </p><p>"how'd you get this?" lucas asked in wonder.</p><p> </p><p>ten shrugged. "just lucky the cashier guy didn't give a shit, i guess."</p><p> </p><p>"how come that never works for me?" lucas pouted.</p><p> </p><p>"that's because you look like youre 12," yangyang said.</p><p> </p><p>"shut up 8th grader."</p><p> </p><p>the contents left in tens bag was another bottle of original flavored soju, and a black leather make up bag ten intended for to be kuns birthday present. kun had been experimenting more with make up lately, and ten had to get him something he needed anyway.</p><p> </p><p>"kun! i've got your gift," ten called out.</p><p> </p><p>"oh, you didn't have to..." kun mumbled.</p><p> </p><p>"bullshit." ten grinned. "after all we've been through?"</p><p> </p><p>kun looked at the gift for quite a while. turning it over and fiddling with the zipper, creating an almost endless noise of cheap metal clinking against each other. the leaves in his hair turned a deeper shade of green, however. ten knew that was a good sign.</p><p> </p><p>"ten this is...<em>awesome</em>," kun laughed, "how'd you know i needed one?"</p><p> </p><p>"well, you <em>have</em> been getting into make up lately," ten hummed, "you're gonna need something to store that in, right?"</p><p> </p><p>there was a cry of victory from yangyang as he won yet another round of mario kart. xiaojun started accusing yangyang of cheating, whereas hendery was firing both sides up, being the opposite of a devils advocate. meanwhile, sicheng and lucas were on the beanbag in the corner, playing on a nintendo switch. the half empty bottle of soju sat on lucas' left, on the floor, guarded by his leg so that none of the younger ones could grab it.</p><p> </p><p>ten looked around, eyes proud, heart content. kun went to join sicheng and lucas with the other bottle of soju, and his heart almost leaped at the sight of kuns brown hair, various sprouts weeding through the strands. they looked like a family. maybe not biologically, but ten didn't care. to him, this was enough of a home.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. day 2 — 02/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten writes love letters that are never to be sent.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>ten cant take this anymore.</p><p> </p><p>the pen in his hand danced over the lined paper before him. tens head was empty. the words just kept flowing out like a river, conveying, to the very last drop, everything he wanted to tell qian kun.</p><p> </p><p>here, in the solace of his room, this letter would never be retrieved. it could die along with his many other secrets, here in this hellish concrete apartment where all ten knew was fear. this letter reminded him of what little he had, but yet also how strong it was. above the fear and panic, he had love. to give. to receive. all of that just for kun.</p><p> </p><p>but he'll never know. not as long as ten guarded himself.</p><p> </p><p>a buzz from his phone made him jump, snapping him out of his train of thoughts. it was an incoming group call from his friends. he gladly picked up.</p><p> </p><p>"<em>ah, ten. i've missed you.</em>" yangyang said.</p><p> </p><p>ten snorted. "sure yang. you never miss any of us."</p><p> </p><p>"<em>negative, i miss you guys daily. especially ever since you left me here in this goddamn hellhole.</em>"</p><p> </p><p>ten laughed. "bear with me. youll be out of there in a few months."</p><p> </p><p>leaving yangyang behind was hard. especially for kun. they had the biggest age difference, and kun just instantly took a liking to the younger when they first met. during freshman year, kun was okay with it, knowing that for the next 2 years, yangyang would still have sicheng, lucas, hendery, and xiaojun to lean on. however, 2 years went by like a gust of wind and before kun knew it, yangyang was all alone.</p><p> </p><p>"<em>my yang baby!</em>" kun exclaimed once he entered the call. "<em>i've missed you!</em>"</p><p> </p><p>"<em>you're so sappy when it comes to yangyang, kun.</em>" lucas pointed out.</p><p> </p><p>while kun and lucas bantered, ten looked at the letter on his desk. messy, script handwriting scrawled on the page; anyone who read that would instantly recognize the desperation and inability of his muscles to keep up with his mind. ten heard kuns voice, looked at the letter, and smiled. his feelings were true. it was scary, but they were.</p><p> </p><p>he just really hoped it wouldn't ruin anything between them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. day 3 — 03/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten buys kun drinks. kun thinks ten just got money from his parents when in reality that was his last ¥150.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>the thud of the can of coke hitting the bottom of the machine doesn't send tens heart to the ground anymore. that was his last ¥150, gone to a can of coke that wasn't his, but it was kuns. that's something, right?</p><p> </p><p>the can sat on the palm of his hand, his skin almost stinging from the temperature. when he set it down on the table in front of kun, he looked up at ten questioningly.</p><p> </p><p>“is…this for me?” he asked.</p><p> </p><p>ten slowly nodded.</p><p> </p><p>“payday huh?” kun nudged.</p><p> </p><p>well, no. that cost him his last cent, but kun didn’t have to know. so ten just smiled and nodded, taking his seat next to sicheng.</p><p> </p><p>“show me your wallet,” sicheng whispered.</p><p> </p><p>ten sighed, “fine. just shut up. that was my last ¥150.”</p><p> </p><p>sicheng snorted, “you’re head over heels.”</p><p> </p><p>ten roughly elbowed the other. “shut up sicheng. don’t tell me you don’t feel the same way for lucas.”</p><p> </p><p>sicheng doesn’t fight back on that one. the rest of their lunch break was spent listening to xiaojuns crazy weekend stories and lucas’ family’s plans to get a puppy. those fade out into background noise, though ten still kept little details in his mind. his thoughts right now were only for kun.</p><p> </p><p>even until later that night, when he was at lucas’ house, drinking soda.</p><p> </p><p>“last ¥150 huh? bold,” lucas said.</p><p> </p><p>ten snorted. “shut up. did winwin tell you? not like you guys are far off.”</p><p> </p><p>“s-shut up,” lucas mumbled, glaring at ten.</p><p> </p><p>nights like these weren’t often; ones where it was just him and lucas. they got along well, with or without the rest of the group, but ten didn’t hang out with him personally as often as he did with kun or hendery.</p><p> </p><p>tonight, he noticed that the late night breeze blew a little gentler around them. lucas stared up at the night sky, where at this altitude, the stars were visible, unlike if they were in tokyo. it was beautiful, they thought, to be blessed with such a sight, and yet to be nobodies to the world at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>“it’s almost midnight, you should get going,” lucas finally spoke, getting up.</p><p> </p><p>“right,” ten coughed. “tell your mom i said goodbye.”</p><p> </p><p>he'd done this a million times; biking to and fro from friends' houses in the dead of night, sometimes even slightly drunk with a wobble in the way his bike rolled through the streets. but even a drunk ten knew not to be afraid of the dark, but rather, what lurked within it.</p><p> </p><p>every slight movement made his heart beat just the slightest bit faster. sometimes, it'd be a bat, or a bird, but in the rare occasion that it be a person, he'd quicken his pace a little, desperate to avoid any sort of contact. he even tried to conceal most of himself with the dark mist flowing from his body.</p><p> </p><p>and yet, even with his fear, he'd managed 2 years of this.</p><p> </p><p>for the first few months, his parents scolded him whenever he got home past 9. even as soon as 7 if he didn't tell them he wouldn't be home for dinner that night. but he had to. like hell he'd stay at home, rotting away in his room with only his phone as a source of comfort; as a source of communication with his friends. that's how he gained his freedom; by standing his ground.</p><p> </p><p>ten locked his bike into place in the apartment basement. the elevator rooms lights were on, revealing that nobody but the security guard was there. ten greeted him before entering the lift.</p><p> </p><p>the doors closed, the air conditioning and music hit, and ten realized he, soon, was no longer going to be free. he didn't want to return.</p><p> </p><p>yet here he was, a minor, scared, broke, and defenseless. of course he'd be back. his father knew that all too well.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. day 4 — 04/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>the group meet up at a din tai fung close by. ten and lucas fall in love with the xiao long bao.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>the news that a famous restaurant would be opening in one of the malls in nagaoka shook the city. located in the mountains, the countryside, nagaoka didn't have what tokyo, or even sapporo did. what they did have, however, were mountains. but that's a story for a later day.</p><p> </p><p>right now, the situation at hand was ten considered leaving kun for xiao long bao.</p><p> </p><p>“you have <em>got</em> to stop moaning whenever you eat one of those,” dejun said.</p><p> </p><p>“are you uncomfortable, dejunnie?” lucas teased, wiggling his eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>he glared. "no! this isn't a porn set guys! no one makes that kind of noise when they eat good food either! the fuck!”</p><p> </p><p>“just two idiots falling in love with soup dumplings,” sicheng commented.</p><p> </p><p>"or i could be falling in love with you," lucas said.</p><p> </p><p>ten instantly snaps his head towards lucas, who was next to him. he'd expected wide and hopeful eyes, fingers nervously tapping on the table, leg bouncing against his, but there was none of that. lucas' gaze was playful, fixed on sicheng.</p><p> </p><p>so ten turned to look at sicheng. instead, it was him who had the expression ten was looking for in lucas. eyes wide, nervous fingers, ten couldn’t look under the table to check on his leg movement though.</p><p> </p><p>“shut up lucas,” sicheng coughed, shoving a spoonful of fried rice into his mouth.</p><p> </p><p>ten eyed sicheng for a while after that. the conversations resumed between yangyang and hendery, who were on sichengs right, but ten observed he made no move to join in. had lucas made him uncomfortable, or had he unearthed sichengs buried feelings?</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>"hey, lucas," ten spoke hurriedly, chasing after lucas who was headed towards the outdoor area of the mall.</p><p> </p><p>lucas hummed in response. "what's up?"</p><p> </p><p>"you...like sicheng. right?"</p><p> </p><p>"what?" lucas asked, like a deer caught in the headlights. "no. sicheng's a friend."</p><p> </p><p>at that moment, ten had thought he looked too much into things. however, even if lucas' mouth said one thing, the way his eyes darted around wildly and the uneasy stance his body was in begged to differ.</p><p> </p><p>bingo. ten had hit the jackpot.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. day 5 — 05/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten goes to a nearby convenience store to get a bottle of milk tea, a crush crisis ensues.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>ten despised sundays. the entire day was technically still part of the weekend, but the sense of impending doom, knowing that tomorrow was, once again, monday, was enough to ruin the entirety of it.</p><p> </p><p>so here he was, at the convenience store right across his apartment block. usually, he'd be here late at night with hendery or kun, but the both of them were preoccupied with other things, and ten chose not to pry.</p><p> </p><p>the wooden chair he sat in was hard, but he hadn't been sitting long enough to make it uncomfortable. an empty plastic container sat on the table, small pieces of lettuce stuck to it. next to it, a cold, unopened bottle of milk tea. ten stared at it, wondering how much time that bottle represented. 10 minutes? 20? or maybe even 30 if he managed to stretch it.</p><p> </p><p>if he knew one thing, it was that he didn't want to go home. it was only 2pm, he'd have to come back home at one point. besides, tomorrow was the school camping week, and he hadn't packed at all.</p><p> </p><p>a week with kun. how magical. the mere thought of it made tens insides feel giddy, like he was back as a preteen getting a text back from his crush. well, it wasn't too far off. kun was his crush after all.</p><p> </p><p>it'd be a shame if he ended up not going just because he procrastinated on something as simple as packing. he threw the plastic container into the trash and got up with his milk tea to leave.</p><p> </p><p>on his way out, he glanced at the cashier. it was a different employee from the one that's usually there at night. he briefly smiled at the guy before quickly leaving.</p><p> </p><p>he went back early for kun. he swore to god that's never happened before. not even with kim jungwoo back in 8th grade. what a crush could do to you was disastrous; it could either ruin your life, or change you for the better.</p><p> </p><p>ten could slowly feel kun taking over ever decision in his life, and he ached for it to stop, but kun couldn't hurt him. kun could never let himself hurt ten, or let ten hurt himself. that was what ten kept his faith in.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. day 6 — 06/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>school camping trip. kun and ten sneak away at night.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"excited?"</p><p> </p><p>that's what kun asked ten when they settled down in the bus.</p><p> </p><p>two rows; the one on the left side of the bus were three seaters, and the one of the left were two. towards the back of the bus were the louder ones who'd blast music on a speaker and jam out together. and towards the front, the ones who ended up hanging out with the teachers due to a lack of...well, friends.</p><p> </p><p>so the middle it was.</p><p> </p><p>at first, it was hard to block out the noises of mumble rap music being played in the back, but kun had brought his headphones, and so had ten. though they weren't listening to the same thing, they were still together, sitting next to each other on the uncomfortably narrow seats of the bus.</p><p> </p><p>what ten didn't know was that they'd be together for the entire trip. never leaving each others sides. they stuck together like two pieces of velcro, and frankly, kun didn't mind it a single bit. not even when ten came up with the insane idea to sneak out the first night.</p><p> </p><p>"are you crazy? what if we get caught?" kun violently whispered.</p><p> </p><p>"nah, they warned us they'd be patrolling just to scare us." ten said. "if we think about it, no way would they stay up late if they had to wake up early the next morning just to watch over us kids, right?"</p><p> </p><p>kun nodded uneasily. "well, i guess? but what if we get caught?"</p><p> </p><p>"why do you think i was born with black mist spewing out of my body?"</p><p> </p><p>truth be told, it did feel like tens entire life had been building up just for this moment; sneaking out of their hotel rooms at 2:30 in the morning with the love of his life. he had enough control over his darkness to be able to engulf the both of them with it, making them almost invisible in the dark.</p><p> </p><p>the way their hotel was styled was that their rooms were all in blocks shaped like the letter u. in the middle of it all was a huge lake, around 5 meters deep. in the middle of the lake was an outdoor dining house where warm lights shone from. that was their destination tonight.</p><p> </p><p>"fuck. if we fall into the water, i am so murdering you," kun warned.</p><p> </p><p>fortunately, there was no murdering tonight. the boats were too impractical, so the architect of this place made a shortcut behind the dining house; a little bridge made of wooden planks to walk over the river and onto the platform of the dining house.</p><p> </p><p>ten grabbed two chairs from the nearest table. "it's closed, but we can just sit here and talk."</p><p> </p><p>the chairs were facing out towards the lake. the only thing preventing them from tipping themselves over the platform was an extremely thick, slightly frayed rope suspended inbetween two sturdy logs. the wooden and natural theme this place kept up was beautiful. ten could almost see the sprouts on kuns head swaying in joy.</p><p> </p><p>"alright," kun smiled, taking a seat next to ten, "so tell me, sicheng and lucas."</p><p> </p><p>ten hummed. "i don't know. there are signs, but if the two of them are denying it, then none of us are in any place to state otherwise."</p><p> </p><p>"fair," kun nodded. "xiaojun and hendery?"</p><p> </p><p>tens eyes went wide. "no way..."</p><p> </p><p>"you haven't noticed? god...maybe i could be wrong then."</p><p> </p><p>ten shrugged. "i don't know. i don't see them...together a lot? besides, they're in the same grade. maybe they're just close friends."</p><p> </p><p>"that's what we thought with sicheng and lucas."</p><p> </p><p>ten burst out laughing. it was a genuine one this time. nothing forced, just pure joy, to be here with someone he cherished and to be able to just sit and talk to them. it didn't matter if they were talking or if it was silent. their silence was never awkward, and their conversations always flowed like the water that yangyang dives into daily.</p><p> </p><p>on the 6th of january, 2014, at almost 3 in the morning, kuns first 4 leafed clover grew. all thanks to a boy from thailand named ten.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. day 7 — 07/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>kun and ten go stargazing.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>the 2nd day of the trip was when the real camping began. they set up tents somewhere in nokogiri mountain in niigatas neighbouring prefecture; chiba prefecture.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>they had the students gather around for a little bonfire session. a guy in tens class had brought his guitar along, so a section of the circle were singing along to the songs he played on his instrument. however, kun and ten weren't present at the circle. they'd ventured a little bit further into the forest, where they knew no teacher would find them, but also within earshot distance, so that in case of emergencies, they weren't entirely alone.</p><p> </p><p>so no, they weren't like the dumb teenagers in every horror film.</p><p> </p><p>with hushed voices, they stepped over the leaves on the ground. it was lightly snowing, and lying on the ground would've been uncomfortably cold, but ten couldn't feel any of that with kun right next to him. now that they were on the mountain, the air was cooler and their breaths were visible in the air, but the stars in the sky shone brighter than they did when ten was at lucas' house.</p><p> </p><p>"kun," ten breathed, "you're breathtaking."</p><p> </p><p>"are you talking to me or the sky?" kun laughed.</p><p> </p><p>ten froze, much much more painful than the snow pressed against his back. had he said kuns name? had he called kun breathtaking by accident? he wouldnt be lying, but what kind of stupid mistake was that?</p><p> </p><p>"uh, yeah, the sky," ten corrected.</p><p> </p><p>"it's okay if it was me." kun smiled, turning towards ten. "i know im breathtaking."</p><p> </p><p>ten snorted, punching kuns arm. "shut up."</p><p> </p><p>they laid there for a while, just staring up at the sky, wondering how free they must feel to have the entire universe to themselves. a moment passed, and ten looked at kun again. snowflakes so thin rested on his eyelashes that whenever he blinked, they wouldn't even move. ten paid attention to every single mark on kuns face, whether it be scars, or acne. he just wanted to make sure he wouldn't forget what kun looked like one day.</p><p> </p><p>"why are you looking at me like that?" kun asked, voice quiet.</p><p> </p><p>if it had been words on a screen, ten would've panicked and instantly dipped. however, kuns tone wasn't one of disgust or judgement; he was just genuinely curious. since kun asked, ten delivered.</p><p> </p><p>"i'm scared i'll forget your face one day," ten admitted, "that when i grow old, ill remember everything we did together, but not your face."</p><p> </p><p>kun laughed. "come here."</p><p> </p><p>ten shifted on the rough ground towards kun. the latter placed his arm under tens head to pillow it from the ground and to give it some elevation. instinctively, ten turned on his side and threw an arm across kuns chest.</p><p> </p><p>"one day, highschool will just be a memory," kun said, "one day you'll remember the 6 of us but it'll be hazy, and that's okay."</p><p> </p><p>"no it's not," ten mumbled, pressing into kuns side. "i don't wanna forget."</p><p> </p><p>"we'll have pictures. pick your favourite one and no matter what, never let that picture go, okay?"</p><p> </p><p>ten didn't know if he could take care of a singular photograph if he couldn't even take care of himself. he was about to object, but seeing the hope in kuns eyes and how the daisy above his ear billowed in the air, ten agreed, and that was the end of it.</p><p> </p><p>the pair laid on the ground for a little longer, bodies kept together for warmth, but also comfort. they cant spend the entire night there, obviously, but right now, under the moonlight, ten had never felt more comfortable surrounded by snow, next to kun, someone he could love without doubts.</p><p> </p><p>ten started to wonder if this is what pure love is supposed to be.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. day 8 — 08/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>tent talks with kun.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"what happens after we die?"</p><p> </p><p>that's an excellent question, ten thought. he laid with kun in their tent, side by side, legs touching. kuns phone was between them, playing exo's entire discography out loud, but not loud enough for the neighbouring tents to hear. their curfew must've been an hour ago, but no teacher had come to check on whether they were in their tent or not. nevertheless, they decided not to sneak away this time.</p><p> </p><p>"i don't know," ten hummed, "my familys buddhist so they believe in reincarnation but...i don't really believe in anything."</p><p> </p><p>"you don't believe in god or you believe there is no god?"</p><p> </p><p>"i just think there's no way for us to prove someone like that exists, you know? like, even if they did exist, we would never be able to prove it."</p><p> </p><p>"ah," kun said knowingly, "agnostic."</p><p> </p><p>"yeah," ten nodded, "what about you?"</p><p> </p><p>"dunno, same as you maybe." kun shrugged. "yangyangs a good little catholic boy. so is lucas. sichengs just really fucking gay and curses god out loud whenever he can."</p><p> </p><p>ten laughed, the image of sicheng yelling at the top of his lungs fresh in his mind. "and he comes from a christian family."</p><p> </p><p>kun nodded, laughing as well. "hendery too. not sure what he is but...that boy is in no way religious," kun said.</p><p> </p><p>"and xiaojun?"</p><p> </p><p>kun seemed to give it a moment of thought. "hmm, xiaojun? he's never spoken about it actually, but if i had to take a guess, he'd be like us."</p><p> </p><p>"fair point." ten clicked his tongue, "but why did you suddenly ask though?"</p><p> </p><p>at that moment, kun seemed to frown. the flowers in his hair lost their radiance for a moment, and tens hesrt sank at the possibility that he might've chosen the wrong words to say tonight.</p><p> </p><p>"i tried telling my dad i wouldn't go to church with him anymore because i just...didn't believe in it," kun said, voice just barely a whisper.</p><p> </p><p>ten doesn't say anything at first. he grabbed kuns hand and laced their fingers together, not as a gesture of attraction, but of comfort. kun tightened his grip around tens.</p><p> </p><p>"he didn't take it well?"</p><p> </p><p>kun shook his head. "hell no. i doused the fire before it got any worse but now he might force it onto me a little more."</p><p> </p><p>ten didn't know how to respond to that. kuns dad wasn't in the wrong for reinforcing his beliefs, but it wasn't right for him to force it onto kun. ten turned his head to look at kun; the other was looking up at the ceiling of the tent, daydreaming.</p><p> </p><p>"you can believe in anything you want," ten finally said, still quietly.</p><p> </p><p>baby don't cry started playing, and kun smiled wistfully. he turned on his side and wrapped an arm over ten, just like ten had done to him the previous night. ten thought the intro to this song could be a k-drama outro, and if he were to view this moment in third person, he could've very well been convinced it his very own k-drama.</p><p> </p><p>"we're gonna get out of here one day, and by then, nothing but you will matter anymore," kun mumbled.</p><p> </p><p>"what if we're not together anymore?"</p><p> </p><p>kun pressed his pointer finger against where tens heart would be (and by god ten prays he couldn't feel how hard it was pounding in his chest). "you'll be in my heart. so will the rest."</p><p> </p><p><em>that sounds nice</em>, ten thought, but he'd much rather have kun cuddling him in a tent in the middle of winter over just simply being in his heart while it meant they'd be physically far away from each other. there was only a year and a half of highschool left. only a year and a half before college came and ten would have to leave everyone he loved behind.</p><p> </p><p>he wasn't sure if he was ready for that.</p><p> </p><p>but ten looked at kun, whose eyes were closed and breaths were shallow and whose honey brown hair fell over his eyes, weeds tangled in between them. <em>he was gorgeous</em>, ten thought, and the thought of college hurt a bit more, but left just as quickly as it came.</p><p> </p><p>right now, he had kun to give all the love he could to. kun was still here with him, and so were the rest. moping around for the inevitable future wouldn't do any good, so ten closed his eyes and willed himself to sleep, promising to spend the last year he had in highschool with all his friends, happy as they should be.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. day 9 — 09/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>waterfall showers. ten thinks kun is gorgeous with water droplets littering his hair.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>ten thought the school may be pitching in to give the entire grade hypothermia or something.</p><p> </p><p>it was day 4 out of 5 of their camping retreat, and they were at a waterfall somewhere in the mountains. it was chilly, but the snow from two days ago had melted away.</p><p> </p><p>however, a waterfall? at this time of year? really?</p><p> </p><p>"they think japan's a tropical country or something," kun huffed.</p><p> </p><p>"maybe it's not so bad," ten suggested, "the waters clean. pretty cold. could be refreshing?"</p><p> </p><p>"ten, you're not serious, are you?" kun deadpanned.</p><p> </p><p>ten didn't reply, he just took kuns hand into his and dragged him towards where the dry land edged over the pool where the water fell from. they sat at the edge, cross legged, close enough that their knees just barely grazed each other.</p><p> </p><p>kun stuck a finger into the water. “cold. as fuck.”</p><p> </p><p>“want me to push you in?”</p><p> </p><p>kun glared at the other. “don’t you dare. if one of my flowers wilts, i’ll kill you.”</p><p> </p><p>ten just stared at kun for a while. as kuns eyes were fixed onto tens. he took it as an opportunity to scoop some water into his hand and fling it at kun. upon impact, kun jolted, freezing for a good few seconds, jaw hanging open.</p><p> </p><p>“ten…i love you, but not like this.”</p><p> </p><p>a water fight ensues. ten instinctively got up to run away from any body of water while kun proceeded to chase him, running past the oblivious sea of 50 students surrounding them.</p><p> </p><p>"ten!" kun yelled, "don't think you can run away from me after that!"</p><p> </p><p>and his threat was right! not long after, kun caught up and grabbed ten by the wrist, pulling him closer to kun and tickling tens sides.</p><p> </p><p>"okay! i concede defeat!" ten exclaimed, out of breath.</p><p> </p><p>"you admit you're wrong?" kun challenged, ten still pressed against him.</p><p> </p><p>"yes! ah, just don't tickle me anymore," ten whined, a smile still on his face.</p><p> </p><p>once kun let go, ten smacked his arm as they walked back to where the rest of the group were. ten looked at kun and noticed that his hair wasn't wet anymore, but there were light water droplets hanging onto singular strands of kuns hair. possibly from the thin droplets in the air resulting from the impact of the waterfall. nevertheless, <em>it made him look like a fairy</em>, he thought, and ten figured kun could possibly, literally be a fairy, one of flowers.</p><p> </p><p>then kun broke the silence. "you owe me a dark chocolate bar."</p><p> </p><p>"deal."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. day 10 — 10/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>kun and ten video call the kids on the bus ride back. kun sleeps on tens shoulder.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>kuns bag falls in the overhead compartment woth a soft thud. they were back on the bus, which was just as loud as it was when this trip started, but for different reasons.</p><p> </p><p>"you want the window seat right?" kun said.</p><p> </p><p>ten nodded, scooting inside and leaning on the right wall of the bus. outside the window was a view of the entrance to the mountain hiking and camping trail they stayed in for 2 nights. to his right, memories, to his left, his favourite memory. the humming of the engine made the bus vibrate a little, almost lulling ten to sleep instantly, but the thought of the rest of their group came to mind. he jolted awake.</p><p> </p><p>"i kinda...miss the others," ten suddenly said, "are you getting signal yet?"</p><p> </p><p>kun pulled out his phone to check. "mhm. you wanna videocall them?"</p><p> </p><p>"it's 4, they're out by now right?"</p><p> </p><p>"duh."</p><p> </p><p>kun selected everyone but ten and initiated a group call. it took a while, but the first to pick up was sicheng, camera shaky and facing the sky.</p><p> </p><p>"sicheng? where the hell are you?" kun asked.</p><p> </p><p>suddenly, the camera frame was flooded with an extreme closeup of sichengs face and forehead as he said, <em>"what's up lovebirds? how was cuddling in a tent for two night straight?"</em></p><p> </p><p>"dong sicheng? shut the fuck up," ten sighed, "but it was good, thanks. how are the kids?"</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"the kids? well, lucas is lucas. xiaojun is xiaojun. hendery is hendery. yangyang is...baby. today the bio teacher called hendery guanheng and he didn't realize he was being called on."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"we have <em>got</em> to stop calling him hendery," kun facepalmed, "he's having an entire identity crisis now!"</p><p> </p><p><em>"no i'm not!"</em> a distant voice in the call said.</p><p> </p><p>"hendery?! you've been listening the whole time?!" ten cried.</p><p> </p><p>the phone seemed to switch holders, and suddenly, the closeup is no longer of sichengs features, its henderys. <em>"hi, i'm hendery."</em></p><p> </p><p>"hi <em>guanheng</em>," kun emphasized his real name. "how was your day?"</p><p> </p><p><em>"who's guanheng?"</em> another voice suddenly said, but this time, not from sichengs end of the line.</p><p> </p><p>sicheng screamed yangyangs name so loudly until it sounded like kuns phone speakers were going to burst. ten jerked in surprise and hit his elbow on the hard surface of the bus, accidentally gaining the attention of a few people around them.</p><p> </p><p>kun muted their end of the call. "ten, this was a mistake."</p><p> </p><p>ten frantically nodded, eyes wide and wary. they both looked back at the screen where sichengs horrible angle was still up, and yangyang being hoarded by questions from both sicheng and hendery.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"guys, you just saw me yesterday, don't act like i've been dead for 6 years."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>kun unmuted the call, "only ten and i have the rights to mob you guys. we've been away for a week."</p><p> </p><p><em>"a week without nagging!"</em> henderys distant voice called out.</p><p> </p><p>kun didn't know when xiaojun joined, but by then, he'd been chanting "beat him up" over and over again, prompting both yangyang and sicheng to chime in as well.</p><p> </p><p>“shut up!” kun whispered, “this entire goddamn bus can hear you!”</p><p> </p><p>“why the hell aren’t you wearing earphones then?”</p><p> </p><p>“…motherfucker”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>it’s been at least 2 hours on the road now. the noise in the bus has died down, and everyone was either asleep or on their phones, quietly this time.</p><p> </p><p>ten had his head against the bus window. he hadn’t looked back to check on kun in a while, but that’s only because the rhythmic passing of the streetlights brought him comfort, like an abstract beat in his mind. he swore he could hear the wind whoosh past him whenever they passed a streetlight on the freeway, but it could either be him going crazy or just a psychological thing everyone experienced.</p><p> </p><p>suddenly, the bus began shaking a little more violently. ten wouldn’t have acknowledged the bumps in the road if it weren’t for his skull being smacked against the glass every second. it felt as if his brain was being rattled inside his head.</p><p> </p><p>“ah, jesus,” he groaned, pulling himself away from the window.</p><p> </p><p>kun snorted, “it’s been rough, huh?”</p><p> </p><p>“shut up,” ten shook his head smiling, “are you not tired?”</p><p> </p><p>“i am, actually,” kun said, “i just don’t have an ideal surface to rest my head on.”</p><p> </p><p>something in ten snapped, and then, the war began. the war between his head and his heart. there was no logical reason as to why he should do it, but to be fair, there was no logical reason as to why he <em>shouldn’t</em> do it either.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>what? no. shut up dumbass. that's one of your best friends. don't ruin this friendship because you caught feelings.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>“well, my shoulder’s always up for grabs,” ten offered, almost timidly.</p><p> </p><p>kun smiled, then laid his head on tens shulder. "hm, comfy."</p><p> </p><p>somehow, in this war, both sides win. though logically he shouldn’t, he still wanted to, and somehow, with this outcome, his head and his heart both won simultaneously; reaching the goal with the ideal process. it’s wonderful, ten thinks, to be able to be this intimate with kun and still have his feelings hidden from literally everyone else but kun himself.</p><p> </p><p>“wake me when we get there, okay?” kun said quietly, “night tennie.”</p><p> </p><p>ten felt his ears burn at the nickname. “okay. night kun.”</p><p> </p><p>the war is over. he’s won, at least for now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. day 11 — 11/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten and hendery bike around the city at night.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>ten spent the entire morning sleeping. the week long trip was exhausting, so when ten woke up at half past 3 in the afternoon, he texted kun to see if the other was awake.</p><p> </p><p>the text back said <em>"i've been awake since 9am. what are you on?"</em></p><p> </p><p>ten does not reply.</p><p> </p><p>however, another text comes in, from hendery this time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"ten! wanna bike around tonight?"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>how long had it been since he last rode around the city with hendery? maybe a month or two? ten instantly replied with an agreement as they set a time, 8pm, for their little get together.</p><p> </p><p>4 o'clock went by like a flash. so does 5, 6, and 7 o'clock. ten even ate dinner early today so that by 8, he'd be free. his plan worked! by 8, no one in the apartment had any reason to keep him around, so off he went into the elevator and down into the basement where he parked his bike.</p><p> </p><p>he sped out onto the streets, cold air piercing through his winter coat. hendery was waiting at the bus stop, not quite on his bike, but still leaning his weight onto it. the light on his phone screen illuminated his face while the streetlight illuminated everything else. ten slowed down.</p><p> </p><p>hendery looked up. "ah, nice to know it's you and not some creepy stranger."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>there's something about riding bikes that made ten fall in love with it. maybe it was the way he glided through the streets as if he were a bird cutting through the air, or the sound of the wind in his ear, or the feeling in his heart that just for tonight, he could take over the world.</p><p> </p><p>ten glances at hendery beside him. even with how dark it was, hendery had the faintest glow to him, as it he were a dying ember about to burn out, fighting to stay alight for another second, and another, and another.</p><p> </p><p>hendery's got fighting spirit, for sure. ten's seen him climb his way out of every hole he's ever gotten stuck in, whether it be abstract or concrete, he always got out of his ruts. ten wanted to be like him sometimes; strong, independent, controlled, but ten couldn't. not when he still didn't know who he was nor who he wants to be.</p><p> </p><p>ten could look in a mirror and be able to say he loves himself, but a part of him could feel that it was merely because he was looking at everything he was on the outside. anyone could love him. anyone could if they just didn't prod deep enough to find out who ten truly was. to find out his deepest fears and deepest secrets and darkest memories. no one would love him after they saw all that.</p><p> </p><p><em>"i truly am unlovable,"</em> ten thought.</p><p> </p><p>but as unlovable as he thought he was, hendery was next to him tonight. just constantly by his side, going at the same pace. the glowing boy gave ten a soft smile, one that warmed his heart and let him know that not the entire world had to love him. a select few could, and that would be enough. they would be enough.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. day 12 — 12/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten sneaks out of his apartment complex to meet up with the groups older members.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>once again, its the middle of the night. the streets were still well lit by the streetlights and occasional 24/7 stores. it had just been raining earlier that afternoon, so the pavements and roads were wet and the air was colder than it should be.</p><p> </p><p>nevertheless, in only a shirt, jeans, and a white hoodie, ten slipped out of the front door of his apartment at midnight, waking nobody in the house. the security guard at the basement (whose name was nakamoto yuta, as he's recently discovered) was leaning back on his chair, eyes fixed onto the tv screen on the right side of his little post.</p><p> </p><p>"hey ten!" he called out, voice echoing slightly, "where the hell are you going? it's midnight."</p><p> </p><p>ten shrugged. "seeing my friends. i wont be long, i think."</p><p> </p><p>"it's past midnight, kid. all the drunkards are out there on the streets. it'd be a shame if you got hurt."</p><p> </p><p>ten chuckled, getting on his bike. "it's alright. i've done this plenty of times before. i'll be back by 2. and if i'm not, you can rat me out to my parents."</p><p> </p><p>ten began to pedal himself out of he basement. somewhere behind him, yuta called out "like hell i'd do that if the cops aren't involved!", making ten laugh. he could get used to this.</p><p> </p><p>the hoodie lasted long enough to keep ten warm until he reached the cafe. it was only a few blocks away that ten could see its neon pink, yellow, and blue sign from his balcony.</p><p> </p><p>he locked his bike outside. the glass front door and a huge window let the bright lights inside leak out onto the pavement. he peered inside, only to be met with the bubbly, colourful interior of the cafe. the only table occupied inside was one for 4, which had 3 of the seats already taken. ten entered the cafe.</p><p> </p><p>"ten!" lucas grinned. "we thought you'd never show up."</p><p> </p><p>"sorry guys, had to make sure my dad was asleep before i could even step a foot out of my room," ten apologized.</p><p> </p><p>"we're playing dutch cup, you want in?" kun offered.</p><p> </p><p>"sure."</p><p> </p><p>as sicheng shuffled the cards, ten couldn't help but think about how weird it must be to be drunk out of your mind, stumbling on the streets, only to look in this bright ass cafe and see 4 highschoolers (on a discreet makeshift double date) playing cards with each other. ten would've thought it wasn't the alcohol and that he'd been sent to dreamland for sure.</p><p> </p><p>across ten was kun. the two made eye contact as sicheng distributed the deck. kun raised an eyebrow at him, and ten just raised his back, as if to say <em>"what do you want?"</em>.</p><p> </p><p>finally, sicheng broke the silence. "alright, i'll go first."</p><p> </p><p>4 rounds of dutch cup and 2 rounds of peach iced tea and cookies later, the 4 of them were spent. it'd been just a little under an hour, a long way to go until 2, but something inside ten nagged at him to go home. he wouldn't want to miss school tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>"alright, i'm calling it a night," ten decided, getting up.</p><p> </p><p>"yeah, me too," lucas said.</p><p> </p><p>"thanks guys," sicheng said, "next week?"</p><p> </p><p>"we'll think about it. this is risky as hell," lucas shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>once lucas and sicheng had taken off in lucas' car, kun and ten were left alone together. kuns pickup was just down the street, but ten moved towards his bike anyway.</p><p> </p><p>"hey, what do you think you're doing?" he asked.</p><p> </p><p>"g-getting my bike?" ten replied.</p><p> </p><p>kun laughed, endearingly perhaps, "come on. put that in the back. i'll take you home."</p><p> </p><p>he didn't give it a second thought. the bike was hauled onto the back of the truck, and then ten entered the vehicle. he glanced back at his bike on the cargo bed, making sure that it was safe. his parents would kill him if they found out his bike was damaged, especially if it was a product of him sneaking out.</p><p> </p><p>"basement?"</p><p> </p><p>ten nodded. "mhm."</p><p> </p><p>"the security wont rat you out?"</p><p> </p><p>with all the confidence in the world in his heart and nakamoto yuta on his mind, he grinned mischeviously. "don't worry, i've found my way around that."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. day 13 — 13/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten gets flashbacks in class. kun doesn't know how to handle him like this. luckily, hendery swoops in to aid kun.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>there are telltale signs for when ten is having another one of his episodes. he sweats even though the room is cold. his leg bounces up and down way too fast in the span of a minute. he bites his nails. he's scratching at his own skin until his entire arm is covered in angry red lines.</p><p> </p><p>kun doesn't know those telltale signs.</p><p> </p><p>the class earned a free period for math. kun and ten sat at the back row, close to the wall on the right. ten had the table against the wall, and kun took the one to its left. the entire class broke apart into their own little groups, chattering amongst themselves and creating a steady rhythm in the air with their conversations.</p><p> </p><p>only kun and ten weren't speaking. kun was panicking, if anything, because ten hadn't responded to anything he's said in the past 10 minutes. he was sweating even though it was winter and the heater wasn't even on. the clicking noise of his teeth clashing against one another as he bit his nails too short were louder than the conversations around them. he was breathin heavily and his eyes were just...empty. it scared kun to no end. he'd never seen ten this way before. he doesn't know what the hell was going on.</p><p> </p><p>"ten? hey, what's wrong?" kun asked cautiously, not wanting to trigger the other.</p><p> </p><p>the question just made ten engulf himself in his darkness even more. at this point of time, kun could barely see ten. all that was left was his right hand which fingernails he was biting, and his face. he'd concealed himself from everyone else. even kun.</p><p> </p><p>"ten," hendery breathed out behind kun.</p><p> </p><p>kun whipped his head to look behind him. "hendery?! how did you get here? when?"</p><p> </p><p>"look," hendery pointed at the teacher, "blind spots are everywhere. he doesn't care anyway. why haven't you done anything with him?"</p><p> </p><p>"huh?" kun questioned, confused and scared.</p><p> </p><p>"ten has episodes like these sometimes," hendery mumbled, squatting down to tens level and taking his hand into his own. "it's from when he moved back to thailand for a while. bad things happened. he wont talk about it. he's having flashbacks right now."</p><p> </p><p>"h-how do i make it stop?" kun asked.</p><p> </p><p>hendery looked almost apologetic towards kun. there was a kind of sadness in his eyes that kun couldn't quite figure out, like a human being that's seen too much of what the world was really like. it was then that kun realized, no matter how close he was to his friends, there were just some things that were meant to be kept away from each other.</p><p> </p><p>"you cant," hendery said, "you just cant. ten told me that himself. the only way we can reduce the intensity is to stimulate his nerves. so he knows its not real."</p><p> </p><p>then kun realized what hendery had been doing. with tens hand in his, he rubbed circles all over; his palm, his wrist, his forearm, the back of his palm. kun figured it helped ground him to reality, just like hendery said.</p><p> </p><p>tens darkness began retreating. slowly, his shoes were visible once again as tens body reabsorbed the overflowing black haze. it took a while, but ten blinked once, then twice. he looked at hendery, then kun, then all around. he was back. he wasn't stuck in a nightmare. he was home.</p><p> </p><p>"i-i went back," he whispered shakily, "dery i went back. why now? i haven't had one in months."</p><p> </p><p>"hey, it's okay," he said gently, "it's not uncommon. you just had a little setback, that's all."</p><p> </p><p>"i thought it was gone..."</p><p> </p><p>with tens hand clasped between his own two hands, hendery said, "it never truly goes away. just replaced, or eased."</p><p> </p><p>ten makes eye contact with kun. the other doesn't know how to feel. his mouth was dry and it felt as if there was a lump in his throat. how could he have just sat there, watching as ten suffered at the hands of his own mind while he did nothing? what would've happened if hendery never came?</p><p> </p><p>"it's okay," ten mouthed, mustering a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>ten couldn't possibly be a mind reader, right? nevertheless, kun let out a sign of relief, at both the facts that ten wasn't mad at him, and that ten was okay.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>"kun," hendery murmured, voice low, "let me talk to you."</p><p> </p><p>kun was pulled away from the crowd by the younger. the sea of students moved past them like they were pebbles on the side of a stream.</p><p> </p><p>"it's about ten, earlier," hendery said, "ten didn't want the rest to know. its just me and lucas right now."</p><p> </p><p>"how did you guys...?"</p><p> </p><p>"help him? we didn't know when it was still at its peak worst. he'd have them multiple times a day. sometimes even up to every hour," hendery explained, "he's much better now, and its much harder for us to notice when its happening. can you help look out for him?"</p><p> </p><p>when hendery said that, kuns gaze was averted to ten walking through the pathway. ten lee, who he'd known since ever. who he knew would never leave kuns side had it been him who had this issue.</p><p> </p><p>so without a second thought, kun nodded in agreement. "of course. anything."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. day 14 — 14/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten has his arm around kun, prompting a classmate to ask if he and kun are together. ten shakily says no. a leaf falls off kuns head and tens shadows grow.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the group began to realize that they never really had any control over their magic.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it started when they were walking the hallways. kun had his arms arms slung over tens shoulders because kun had made a joke so bad ten couldn’t walk properly due to how much pain his stomach was in. they were close, perhaps a little too close for some others’ liking. the gesture had prompted a question from a classmate later in the day.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“are you and qian kun together?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“w-what?” ten stuttered, trying his best not to seem flustered, “no. what makes you think so?”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">“oh…nothing.”</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">kun must’ve overheard. the couldn’t see it happen, but he felt a little sprout just above his left ear dry and shrivel up. he should’ve pulled it out, but that would hurt and bleed too much in the middle of class, so he resorted to tucking it behind strands of hair and behind his ear.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">meanwhile, ten tried to will the mist to stop growing, but it increased anyway. not too much, but significantly enough for anyone to notice. his heart rate sped up. class had started, was his mist blocking anyones view? had he attracted too much attention and distracted everyone in the process?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten willed the questions and thoughts away. he folded his arms on his desk and laid his forehead upon his arms. he just wanted his shadow to stop growing. it always reminded him of nothing but the bad parts of himself. it stuck around him constantly, as if to remind him that no matter what he did or where he went or who he was, there was always the smallest bit of negativity in him. that was what his shadow reminded him of.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">then, later that afternoon, hendery got into an argument with one of his classmates. they were working on a group project, and it seemed as if one of his groupmates had accidentally deleted a part of his work, but would take no responsibility for it and wouldn't apologize.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">as xiaojun watched from the other side of the class, what should’ve been a tiny flame above his ear ended up being a row of flames resting on his shoulders. they burned bright orange, so much brighter and angrier than the little matchstick flames that should be on henderys fingertips or ears.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">hendery felt the heat rise, but no matter how much he tried to will them away, they remained furious, taunting on his shoulders. his classmate began to seem worried at this point of time that he actually began apologizing. poor boy. a large portion of the worlds population had these selective magical attributes, but it still took some getting used to.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the next disturbance was in sicheng and lucas’ herbology class. they were doing a practical out in the gardens, trying to harvest certain plants the right way. it was a sunny day, but it was cold outside. it was still winter after all.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">sicheng, on the other hand, coudn’t get the hang of what they were supposed to be doing. lucas looked at sicheng, whose forehead was covered in sweat despite the cold weather, eyebrows knitted together as he struggled with the activity. it was a bright day, and he could barely see sichengs light, but lucas could tell that it was dying out little by little as sicheng failed over and over and over.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">so why is it that sichengs light, a representative of the optimism and happiness in his life, could flicker out altogether, but tens shadow, a representative of all the pessimism and sorrow in his life, always found its way into even the happiest moments of his life? why is it that happiness could be gone for good, and yet sadness could not? why does the bad always outweigh the good?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">yangyang sat at a lunch table with friends he weren’t too close with. they always involved him in their conversations, always tried to make yangyang feel included, but all yangyang wanted was xiaojun, hendery, kun, and everyone else. it’d nearly been a year. he couldn’t take it anymore. he just wanted to graduate and be able to be with them again.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">sitting at that table, head in its own little bubble, yangyang realized that no one could ever truly be happy. life was too complicated for anyone to feel absolute bliss for any given period of time. there would always be something clawing at them, nagging at them, weeding itself into what would’ve been pure hapiness.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">life is so cruel. we give almost everything we have to it just to make it for another day, another hour, another minute, another second, yet all it does is take and take and take. it takes everything and eats it up without anything more than temporary happiness for us. we just want to be happy.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">why is that so hard to obtain?</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. day 15 — 15/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>hendery and lucas find a frog in the park, their screams are heard from the other side of the prefecture.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">school was closed today for some holiday ten had already forgotten all about. wednesday. he didn't want to be at home. the group planned a last minute trip to the park, and that's how ten ended up lying flat on the snowy grass as xiaojuns pug, zhupi, was all up in his face, licking everywhere. meanwhile, xiaojun sat a few meters away from the too of tens head, just enough so that zhupis leash had no tension and ten couldn't reach him even if he extended his arms out.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">yangyang and sicheng were at the mini mart nearby, buying ramen and tens special request; ramune. sicheng had always thought ten was a child for loving ramune as much as he did. even yangyang never tried it!</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"what flavour should we get lucas?" yangyang asked.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"hm...seafood?" sicheng hummed.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"or maybe carbonara," kun offered.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"seafood's perfect," yangyang finally decided, carrying the basket of ice cream and drinks to the cashier counter.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the two remaining members, lucas and hendery, were venturing about the park. there was a thin layer of snow blanketing the ground. with every step they took, they felt a familiar crunch under their sneakers. hendery melted the snow resting on a leaf with the fire on his fingertips, observing the way the snow turned transparent and ran down the leaf, onto more snow on the ground.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the park was almost empty. not many people came here when it was winter anyway. the park was quiet apart from the occasional honks of the cars across the street and the wind blowing around them.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">which is why the cry of a frog was so clearly heard by the two of them.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it was a weird, </span>
  <span class="s2">weird </span>
  <span class="s1">noise, like the imitation of a human scream coming from an alien who had never heard a human scream before and attempted to imitate the noise from descriptions alone. as cold as the temperature was, lucas and henderys blood ran colder.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">hendery willed his legs to move, but they just wouldn't. lucas spun around frantically, scanning the ground for any signs of the amphibian, to no avail. hendery wanted to crawl in a hole and hide there until the frog was gone. what the fuck was it even </span>
  <span class="s2">doing</span>
  <span class="s1">out in the snow like this?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"ah, fuck, lucas," hendery said, voice shaky, flames burning blue, "i cant. we gotta get out of here."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"what if we run into it? shit, dery. why now, out of all times?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">hendery does not respond. his muscles have regained mobility and would now cooperate with his will, so he joined lucas in finding the small creature. no more than 2 minutes later, it leaped into the air, like a dolphin launching out of the water. that prompted a shrill cry from the two as they began to run for their lives, back towards where xiaojun and ten were.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it was an open area, but their screams were just so loud that it echoed back and forth more than once. it was insane. half the people at the park looked at the two of then like they'd seen people rise from the dead. embarassment coursed through their veins.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">and the mini mart team? they spun on their heels and away from them.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. day 16 — 16/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten wears eyeliner to school. some people cant keep their words to themselves. the group manages to make him feel better.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw // homophobia, slurs</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">when ten looked at himself in the mirror in the morning, he thought he looked perfect. after talking to kun about make up techniques and brands, he decided to try out some eyeliner. it wasn't anything too complicated, subtle and simple, so as to not attract any attention, but ten would be lying if he said he didn't look that different. after all, it was his first time wearing it.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he managed to slip out of the house without anyone noticing his change in appearance. even when he got to school, he greeted some friends in the hallways, and none of them noticed at all. it felt weird, but ten wasn't complaining. he'd take silence over insults any day.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">when he finally ran into kun, he took tens face in his hands and said, "holy shit. did you do this yourself?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten nodded. "is it okay? messy?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"it's </span>
  <span class="s2">perfect</span>
  <span class="s1">, ten." kun gushed. "how did you do that?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten shrugged. "i don't know, i just kinda...went for it, you know?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">their conversation was cut short due to the morning bell ringing. kun would've stayed to prolong the conversation, but unfortunately, a math quiz was awaiting him, and he had to go.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">meanwhile, ten was stuck in history. it was one of the few classes he didn't share with kun, and also one of the most boring. not only because kun wasn't there to cheer him up, but because he could barely give any shits about the dates in which the events they were discussing happened. he didn't mind the stories and theorizing about them, he just hated the textbook questions and ones that asked for specific dates.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten rested his chin on his elbow. he sat on the far left seat on the second row, letting the soft sunshine from the window hit his face. ten didn't know it, but the kids on the row in front of him could clearly see his slight touch of make up, even if they were a good few meters away.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">when the class ended, someone at the door asked him, "are you wearing eyeliner?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten panicked. "uh, yes? why?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"isn't that for girls? that's gay."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten didn't even get a chance to respond before the student walked off, speaking in hushed tones to his friends and not-so-subtly glancing at ten every few seconds. ten shook his head and tried to brush it off, but he couldn't lie about the nagging feeling in his heart. especially to kun.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"what do you mean you want to wash it off? it's gorgeous."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten stared at the bathroom floor and shook his head. he hasn't said anything ever since he asked kun how to wash it off without leaving smudges behind. his face grew hotter as the tears built up in his eyes.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"ten?" kun asked, softly, cautiously, "hey, ten. look at me."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">and just for that, ten mustered up enough courage to look kun in the eye; to show him his vulnerability. his eyes were glassy, and he couldn't stop chewing on his bottom lip, nor the insides of his cheeks. ten hated this side of him; sensitive, weak, overreactive. he hated every part of it.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"did someone say something about it?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"uhuh."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"how many?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"only one," ten admitted, fully breaking down now, "i'm sorry. it's just one and i'm like this. i'm fine. we should just forget about it."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"no," kun said, firmly. "you're not fine. it doesn't matter if it's only one, or a thousand. it hurt you, right? that's not something you can control. that's not your fault."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten stayed quiet. eyes closed. back leaning against the sink. hands gripping the edge of the sink counter. shadows engulfing almost every inch of his body. even though he was covered up, he was more vulnerable than ever, all on display in front of kun, and he hated it. he loved kun; he made ten feel loved and safe, but he hated this part of him. he hated that kun had to see it.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"we've gotta wash it off now," kun hummed, "your tears have smudged it."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">for some reason, ten coughed out a laugh at that, which made kun crack a smile. he helped ten make sure all the residue was washed off properly, and helped dry his face, lining the rim of his eyelids.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"it's off now," he mumbled, gently patting tens face dry with a paper towel. "i'm sorry ten. it feels like it's my fault."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"no." ten shook his head. "i wanted to. it's not your fault."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">kun just offered him a sad smile. when they left the bathroom, kun had his arm around ten as both a gesture of affection and to lead him. after all, tens gaze was still fixed onto the floor. the shadows still latched onto his body like leeches, but it wasn't as dark as it was back in the bathroom.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten seemed to pick his mood back up as time passed. by the time the group met up outside the school, just about to leave, ten was feeling much better, and could joke around with the rest as usual. however, he did leave earlier than the rest, prompting the others to instantly question kun about it.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"some assholes gave him shit about wearing eyeliner," kun scoffed, "they cant keep shit to themselves."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"don't they have anything better to do? jesus." lucas shook his head.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"hey...why don't we all wear eyeliner tomorrow?" sicheng suggested, "to give ten our support, you know?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">cheap make up materials could be easily found in the grocery store. sicheng bought one of each of them that very day and distributed them through lucas. they called that night so kun could show them how to apply it without accidentally poking their eyes, and they did it all for ten.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">because no matter how unlovable ten thought he was, that could never stop the rest from proving him wrong.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. day 17 — 17/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten knows hes loved by his friends, and he loves them too, but not in the way that he loves qian kun.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">today should've been a wonderful day for ten. all his friends showed up, gorgeous, unstoppable, acting like they owned the place and showering him in so much love. it should've been a great day, but yet tens shadows were fighting for any sort of contact with the outside.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><em><span class="s2">"it's because of kun,"</span></em> <span class="s1">ten thought, and ten was right. it was because of kun. qian kun with his kind, warm heart and unwavering focus on details. kun must've been an angel sent down from heaven, because there's no way he got this lucky to have such a person in his life.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he was like a dream come true. ten had gone through the majority of his life thinking he was so unwanted that he shut himself out to any sort of friendships, until his 2nd year of middle school, where he met qian kun for the first time, despite being in the same school as him for almost a year and a half.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">and then it was sicheng, who was fighting another student afterschool a block away. then lucas, who spilled milk on sichengs pants during one of their cooking elective courses. xiaojun and hendery, a year later, fire and earth, already attached at the hip. they'd been best friends for as long as they could remember and practically only needed each other, but they were open to joining ten and kuns little group of friends.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">then finally, yangyang. when kun and ten began their first year of highschool, leaving sicheng, lucas, xiaojun, and hendery behind, the four of them had found yangyang...being mobbed by girls. lucas had noticed that he seemed very uncomfortable, especially with it being his first day as a new student from germany. the halo of water droplets around his head turned darker, as if contaminated by dirt and bacteria. after that, lucas instantly took the boy under his wing. it was not a very ideal way to start a friendship, but who were they to complain when it got them to where they are?</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><span class="s1">but ten didn't even know how it ended up this way. not the part where he met all his closest friends, but how he ended up </span> <span class="s2">falling in love</span> <span class="s1">with one of them. it sucked. he promised himself he would never harbour anymore feelings for anyone once highschool started, yet with kuns existence, that could never happen. he was irritatingly irresistible.</span></p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he loved all his friends equally, but none of them as much as he did with kun. to be fair, it was a different type of love, but ten couldn't help but feel as if he were still a bit biased.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"ten! come on!" hendery called out, motioning for him to jump on the cargo bed of kuns vehicle where xiaojun, hendery, sicheng, and himself were sitting. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"we're gonna pick yangyang up first! hold on," kun said from the drivers seat.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">when the vehicle sped off, the turbulence and wind on his face felt exhilarating. it was scary, since any of them could've fallen out at any given moment if they werent careful, but they all had smiles on their faces, as if they'd never had such a thrill before in their life.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it was at that moment that ten realized, no matter how dire the situation was, if he was with them, they'd overcome it, and they'd come out on top, standing proud.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. day 18 — 18/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten discovers a song called favourite place by all time low. it reminds him of kun.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>square shaped pieces of paper littered tens bedsheets, some in a nice pile, others strewn about as tens movement on the bed caused the pire to collapse. he constantly had a piece of paper in his hands, folding it and making paper cranes in a repeated manner. his laptop sat idly, playing music from youtube since his spotify was malfunctioning at the moment. he'd decided to go down a nostalgic route and go on an all time low marathon; a band he'd fallen in love with 5 years ago.</p><p> </p><p>they'd recently came out with a new album, but ten hadn't listened to any of the songs yet, so when a foreign song came on, but still with the main vocalists voice, ten stopped folding his origami and checked the song coming from his laptop.</p><p> </p><p>it was called favourite place. still an all time low song, just one from their newest album. ten instantly went to search the lyrics. reading them felt like the song of his life had just been released. yearning. unrequited. but also still freedom.</p><p> </p><p>he thinks this could be his song for kun.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>kun! check this song out [Link Attached.]</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>(: sure! give me a moment</em>
</p><p> </p><p>ten doesn't wait for kuns reply though. not that it'd come soon. the song is his main focus right now. it never drowns out to background noise. never for a single second. ten paid attention to all the lyrics, all the notes, all the chords, and all the details put into the song. the way it swirled sunset pink and vibrant yellow in his mind. he’d fallen in love with music before, but this felt as if he were falling in love all over again.</p><p> </p><p>so ten began to write. he grabbed a piece of paper and a pencil and wrote the traditional way; with a writing instrument on a piece of paper. ever since he got his laptop, he’d abandoned the art of physical writing. the grazing of lead on paper felt almost foreign to him, even though it was his only form of expression a few years ago.</p><p> </p><p>he'd written a lot of letters to the people he loved the most in his life, but not as intimately as this. kun may not be the first, but ten's going to make sure he's the last.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. day 19 — 19/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>going to ikea; theyre only there for the ice cream but yangyang buys a chair and xiaojun falls in a ditch.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"hej!"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>the entrance to the enormous warehouse of furniture had that word on a sticker pasted onto it's door. the glass doors slid open, welcoming the group of 7 in with a gust of warmth.</p><p> </p><p>"ah..." hendery hummed, "warmth."</p><p> </p><p>"you are literally on fire, <em>all</em> the time," xiaojun rolled his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>they entered the store, where they were instantly greeted with showcases of some of their most popular products. ten took a good look around with sicheng while lucas and kun tried their best to make sure the 3 didn't break anything by accident.</p><p> </p><p>"okay, that's it." lucas said, hoisting yangyang up and throwing him over his shoulder. "you're gonna break something and i know it."</p><p> </p><p>"put me down!" yangyang screeched, punching lucas' back. "i'm 13, not fucking 5!"</p><p> </p><p>kun flicked his finger on yangyangs arm. "13 year olds don't scream fuck in an ikea."</p><p> </p><p>to be completely honest, kuns words just made yangyang want to scream fuck out loud even more, but for the sake of his image and what horrors the security could bring, yangyang refrained from embarrassing the group and further. eventually, he was put back down onto the ground. the group made their way through the maze-like exhibitions of furniture. when they passed by the couches and chairs section, they noticed yangyang stayed in one place for longer than he should, considering how active he is.</p><p> </p><p>"yang?" kun asked.</p><p> </p><p>"do you think they'll id me if i buy this?"</p><p> </p><p>kun looked at the chair. it was simple. black. made of plastic. he'd assume the box would contain at most, 10 parts. he looked at yangyang, then at the chair, then back at yangyang, and then the chair again. a 13 year old with yangyangs baby face, walking out of ikea with an entire chair in his possession.</p><p> </p><p>"nah, it's not alcohol, it'll be fine," kun ended up saying.</p><p> </p><p>yangyang took down the warehouse details of the product before catching up with the rest. they passed by the beds, kitchen, plumbing, all sorts of things. though he didn’t buy anything, ten found that just merely looking at furniture could bring him so much joy.</p><p> </p><p>the rest however…we’re not as enthusiastic as he was. in the past minute, hendery had mentioned ice cream around 7 times. xiaojun clung onto kun like a baby koala to it’s mother. lucas was the only other person who stayed patient, despite his tendency to to resemble clifford the big red dog, just much more chaotic.</p><p> </p><p>“lucas,” ten said, grabbing his arm, “you’re not buying anything?”</p><p> </p><p>lucas shook his head. “i would at the decor sections but, you know me.”</p><p> </p><p>“broke because you spent all your money on sicheng?”</p><p> </p><p>lucas was quiet for a while, and he didn’t look at ten, but then he smiled suddenly and said, “yeah. i did.”</p><p> </p><p>ten followed his gaze to find that it landed on sicheng, who was dragging xiaojun away from flicking the switch repeatedly on one of the lights. ten looked back at lucas, who held a kind of fondness in his eyes as he looked at the other. he could read lucas like an open book, and he knew at that exact moment, no matter how deep in love he already was, lucas just fell impossibly deeper for sicheng.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>at the end of the journey, the warehouse right before the ice cream station, yangyang got lost. somehow. the aisles of high shelves shouldn't have been that hard to navigate through, but it'd been 10 minutes since he last saw his friends, and the box in his arms started to feel a little heavier with each second that passed.</p><p> </p><p>he checked his phone. no signal. that's why the others hadn't called him. while yangyang panicked, somewhere down in aisle 36, kun sat on one of the plastic lawn chairs on display, biting his nails anxiously, changing his position every few minutes.</p><p> </p><p>"did no one else check which aisle his chair would be in?" kun asked once again in disbelief. "no, of course not. i was the only one there with him. <em>fuck</em>, how could i have been so stupid?"</p><p> </p><p>"come on." ten offered him his hand. "let's go look for yangyang."</p><p> </p><p>they split into three groups; kun with ten, sicheng with lucas, and xiaojun with hendery. in a few minutes, sicheng and lucas eventually found yangyang wandering at the back of the aisles, hence why he was so hard to locate. kun wanted to tell him off, but the relief that washed over him was enough to drive away the panic and worry.</p><p> </p><p>"can we go get ice cream now?" yangyang asked quietly.</p><p> </p><p>sicheng laughed, "pay for your chair first."</p><p> </p><p>yangyang rolled his eyes. "duh."</p><p> </p><p>both the chair and ice cream were paid for by their respective owners (except for lucas' ice cream being payed by sicheng). they went to exit the way they came from, greeted by a goodbye in swedish stuck onto the huge sliding doors, but it was cold outside, and so was the ice cream, so they stayed inside a little longer just to finish it.</p><p> </p><p>on an uncomfortably hard wooden bench, ten said to kun, “this is my home.”</p><p> </p><p>“an ikea in the middle of japan?”</p><p> </p><p>ten snorted, “no. you. lucas. hendery. all of them.”</p><p> </p><p>kun looked ahead, watching sicheng chase xiaojun around, trying to poke his sides and get him to drop his ice cream. yangyang kept following lucas around, trying to get a lick of his ice cream even though his own cone was in his hand. and then there was hendery, who cheered on sicheng and yangyang. kun could practically feel xiaojuns urge to punch him.</p><p> </p><p>but kun could also feel what ten meant when he said this was his home. surrounded by the only people ten could love without lies. people ten could trust. kun was happy ten found that for himself.</p><p> </p><p>since he was too busy dodging sichengs murder attempts, xiaojun was the only one with his ice cream still in his hands as they left the building. xiaojun has always believed in equality, no matter the curcumstance, so it was only fair that he fell in a ditch and dropped his ice cream on the way out.</p><p> </p><p>and for some reason, he didn't remember there ever being a ditch right in front of the door when they first came in.</p><p> </p><p>"ah, fuck!" he screamed. "fucks sake!"</p><p> </p><p>the entire group nearly falls onto the asphalt laughing. kun came over to give dejun a hand, all while he was still laughing. yangyang’s stomach and sides began hurting and he struggled to keep his eyes open. ten would've felt bad, had it not been for the ice cream cone now on the asphalt.</p><p> </p><p>"hey!" xiaojun yelled, "stop laughing! im gonna trash your bathroom wong lucas!"</p><p> </p><p>kuns truck was his first victim (though he was apologetic about this one, then lucas' bathroom. the ditch undeniably reeked of the smell of trash, it was part of the sewer system after all. xiaojun, as much as he wanted to, tried his best to make it see as if he were never there; no drops of black water on any surface, and none of his clothes strewn about. he put them all in s plastic bag, tied it shut, and stuffed it in his backpack. he just hoped his mom wouldn't murder him for it.</p><p> </p><p>when xiaojun left the bathroom, he was greeted by 6 faces screaming "surprise", accompanied by a bowl of neopolitan ice cream in lucas' hands.</p><p> </p><p>"we felt bad," lucas explained, "so this ones for you. also we put on some taiwanese romcom on the tv."</p><p> </p><p>xiaojun stood there, not a single word leaving his mouth. ten was almost worried they'd made the wrong decision and angered him somehow. but then xiaojuns lips broke out into a wide smile, and he took the bowl of ice cream from lucas.</p><p> </p><p>"come on guys," he shook his head fondly, "let's all just get ice cream and watch that damn film."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry i haven't updated in almost a week! here's an extra long chapter to make up for it ^__^</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. day 20 — 20/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>sicheng develops a chicken bread addiction.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>two weeks after the 11th grader’s retreat trip was the 10th grades turn. sicheng and lucas didn’t forget to bid kun, ten, hendery, and xiaojun goodbye first before getting on the bus and heading away to their designated location. they didn’t hear from the two for a long time, until last period, when a text from lucas came in. it was a picture without any text attached. it looked almost ominous for some reason.</p><p> </p><p>kun received it in history. ten was seated two seats in front of him on the row to his right. when the text came in, ten instantly turned around to look at kun, who just gave him another confused look back.</p><p> </p><p>seeing as kun didn't have answers, ten snuck his phone under the table, unlocking it quickly while glancing back uo every few seconds to make sure the teacher wasn't looking his way. he didn't do this often, so everytime he did it was as tense, but also as exhilarating as the last. he felt like an undercover spy on a mission.</p><p> </p><p>the picture turned out to just be a picture of sicheng in the bus, munching on some sort of bread. ten was about to ask for an explanation but lucas, as if he read his mind from afar, sent another picture with a text body this time.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>[1:44PM] from: lucas</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>[Picture attached.] sicheng hoarded half the box. he's got a chicken bread addiction.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>[1:44PM] from: sicheng</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>bold of u to send this to the gc seeing as ur right next to me</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>[1:45PM] from: yangyang</em>
  </b>
</p><p>
  <em>on god lucas is gonna die...deserve asf!</em>
</p><p> </p><p>ten snorted out loud, shaking his head. yangyang would get obliterated in tonight call. ten put his phone in between the pages of one of the textbooks under his desk, so that when his history teacher came by, his phone was nowhere to be seen.</p><p> </p><p>he turned around to look at kun. he was pinching the bridge of his nose, either from yangyangs text, the lesson, or both simultaneously. however, when ten caught his eye, he smiled and threw the other a peace sign. ten felt his heart speed up a little in his chest as he played it off by rolling his eyes. but as much as the 2nd world war intrigued him, thoughts of kun and his stupid smile took over his mind, but he wouldn't have it any other way.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. day 21 — 21/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>sicheng recounts his koi nightmare.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"guys, i swear, it was the scariest shit ever."</p><p> </p><p>that's what sicheng said about a nightmare he had gotten the first night he spent with lucas in the hotel. the entire group had been anticipating some, well, steamy moments, not a nightmare involving koi fish.</p><p> </p><p>it started with sicheng on a wooden plank, afloat on a vast body of water, just like rose when she jumped from the titanic. it would've been just slightly scary if it weren't for the swarm of koi fish underneath the plank. they swam up, poking their little mouths above the surface of the water. had it been ten who has this dream, he wouldn't have thought much about it, but he guessed sicheng had a problem with koi fish in the past.</p><p> </p><p><em>"maybe it's lucas' fault,"</em> yangyang gased.</p><p> </p><p><em>"kid," </em>lucas threatened,<em> "i'm gonna benchpress you and throw you onto a roof."</em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"was that a threat? you're literally like a harmless beagle."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>it's always yangyang who, somehow, initiated all the friendly arguments within the group. even if it was one between any two members but him, somehow he was the one who started it. nevertheless, yangyang made their days less boring than it should be, and they were dying for the day yangyang could finally join them in highschool for one last year together before kun and ten left for college.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. day 22 — 22/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>tens relationship with his parents dwindle, he confides in nobody. the darkness grows more than it ever has.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>for his entire life this far, ten had only known shadows. ever since he left his mothers womb, all that followed him around wherever he went were his shadows. protruding from his body like black flames engulfing all there was to him. he'd grown up with them, learned to live with them, but he never learned to love them, and therefore neither did anyone else.</p><p> </p><p>the majority of the earths population had some kind of magic to them. it wasn't a genetic thing, it was more like as if life did a little raffle everytime a child was born and gave them whatever magic they got.</p><p> </p><p>the people with shadow magic had always been considered cursed. they were the representatives of the negative, the reminder that there would always be darkness. the ones whose bad sides were all on display for the public.</p><p> </p><p>but it wasn't just them. all the other types had prejudices and stereotypes too. flowers were weak, fire was anger, earth was stubborn, and so on. the ones with water magic didn't have it as bad as the others did, although they were occasionally dubbed as "too peaceful".</p><p> </p><p>just wait until the world met liu yangyang. a boy with a halo made of a looped water current around his head. they'd take the peaceful prejudice back.</p><p> </p><p>ten wished he could be like that. like yangyang, who broke the stereotype for his kind. but he wasn't. he thought that by supressing all his anger and fear and sadness it'd suppress his shadows from growing, but that just made it worse. the biggest his shadows had ever grown was up to the size of his table, but this time, he thought it could reach up to his wardrobe.</p><p> </p><p>it had always been his dads fault. it started off small, subtle, and his shadows never grew large enough to make him think that something was wrong, but the longer it carried on, he knew. no way in hell was his own family member supposed to treat him that way, especially until his magic got out of control.</p><p> </p><p>so he slipped out again like he always had, but this time, alone. he didn't want to go to kun, nor hendery, and if neither of those two were ideal, then the rest wouldn't be of much help either.</p><p> </p><p>he ditched his bike and decided to go to the convenience store nearby. it was his comfort place; he'd spent countless nights with kun and many other friends there, eating ramen and sandwiches like they were the best meal they had in years. laughing like the worlds greatest comedian was performing right before their very eyes. this place at night made him feel safe, safer than even his own home.</p><p> </p><p>"alone this time?" a voice asked when he entered the brightly lit store.</p><p> </p><p>ten looked at the cashier, who had been the same guy he met the entire year he's spent coming here. they made casual conversations here and there, but never far enough to learn each others names.</p><p> </p><p>ten smiled. "yeah."</p><p> </p><p>"you don't look so good, kid," he commented.</p><p> </p><p>for a while, ten forgot how big his shadows were. they'd significantly died down since he left the apartment, but considering the cashier had seen him at his best, he could easily tell that he wasn't in a very good place right now.</p><p> </p><p>"i wont press," he said, "but i do want you to know that a seven eleven isn't the best place to drown you sorrows in."</p><p> </p><p>ten huffed out a laugh. "thanks, but i think a cup of ramen and some milk would be enough tonight."</p><p> </p><p>that was the end of their conversation. like he promised, the cashier didn't press any further. he scanned tens items, charged him for them, and left ten to himself. he sat at the same table, the ones just by the door, facing the huge window that let ten see the shops right across him. some were closed, and others were still hanging around even if they had no customers left.</p><p> </p><p>ten ate his ramen and drank his milk, not much on his mind anymore. he thought he'd be cursing his dad in his head,<span class="Apple-converted-space"> but he just didn't seem to care enough anymore.</span></p><p> </p><p>he threw the empty ramen cup and milk carton into the bin behind the cashier register. the man sat on the floor, hiding behind the counter as he played a game on his phone. he paused for a while to glance up at and press a finger on his lips, to which ten gave a thumbs up.</p><p> </p><p>his footsteps took him back home without even thinking. into the elevator and up to his floor then right to his door, where he slipped right back in undetected.</p><p> </p><p>thankfully, tonight, just like many other nights, were successful. he went in and out and nobody noticed. however. it'd only be a matter of time before he did eventually get caught. ten hoped that day wasn't any time soon.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. day 23 — 23/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten attempts to jump into the shinano river down below, hendery dissuades him by circling him with fire.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>tonight is unlike most nights. the crickets chirped, the air was cool, and the night sky dazzled. today should've been static, and ten shouldn't be at the shinano river, legs dangling over the edge of the bridge as he looked down onto the waters below. it wasn't surging, in fact, it was calm. jumping wouldn't kill him. but the bottle of pills in his pocket would knock him out in a few minutes, and then he'd fall, and only then would that kill him.</p><p> </p><p>nothing happened today. sometimes that shouldn't be a problem, hell it should even be a blessing, but ten felt so so wrong. his shadows grew large tonight, and his heart was heavy but his mind was empty. he only thought of kun, hendery, and the rest of his friends. the only people he didn't want to leave.</p><p> </p><p>so ten called hendery, hoping that maybe he could save his life at the last second.</p><p> </p><p>when henderys phone rang, indicating a call from ten, he picked up as he normally would. "what now? another seven eleven date?"</p><p> </p><p>ten took a deep breath in. "i'm at the bridge."</p><p> </p><p>henderys face fell. "shinano? why are you there? what are you doing there?"</p><p> </p><p>the other end of the line was quiet for what seemed like years before ten hung up without another word. alarms and sirens instantly went off in his mind. hendery sprung up from where he was sitting on the bed and ran over to his desk to grab the keys to his parents’ car. he put on a hoodie and grabbed another in case ten was freezing out there.</p><p> </p><p>his mom asked him what he was doing as he hurried out the front door. “hendery? where are you going?”</p><p> </p><p>“i’m borrowing the car, ma,” he said, keys jangling in his hand. “i’ll be back as soon as possible.”</p><p> </p><p>“j-just…don’t crash into anything!”</p><p> </p><p>he didn’t have time to reply. hendery jumped in the drivers seat and sped off as soon as the engine was on. he didn’t have his license yet; he was planning to take the test next month, but he could care less about getting pulled over right now. he wasn’t letting anything bad happen to ten.</p><p> </p><p>when he got to the bridge, the snow covered most of the ground. the streetlights made them look like diamonds glistening on the ground, and the waters below a waving body of ice. ten was alone, in the middle of the bridge. he was still sitting on the edge, using the railing as his bearings.</p><p> </p><p>hendery almost tip toed towards his friend, careful as to not startle him. even from afar, he could see tens shadows, already twice the size of him protruding out of tens back. they took on humanoid figures now, like heads, ambiguous faces, arms, hands, all desperately trying to claw their way out of the darkness.</p><p> </p><p>hendery kneeled down next to ten silently. he placed a warm hand on tens shoulder, sighing. not out of disappointment, but out of relief.</p><p> </p><p>"forgive me for what im about to do," hendery spoke, "i can't lose you right now."</p><p> </p><p>you are not supposed to be able to control how your element acts. just like ten shouldn't be able to restrain his shadows, and how yangyang shouldn't be able to control the strength of his water current halo. tonight, with pure concern and love for a friend, a ring of fire emerged around ten, even floating in midair where the platform ended. ten jolted backwards, using the railing as a bearing to help himself get up. perhaps it was the reflection of his desire to embrace ten, since it wasn't ideal right now.</p><p> </p><p>"dery," ten breathed, "i'm not dangerous. don't treat me like this."</p><p> </p><p>"i know." henderys voice cracked. "i know. i'm sorry. i'm just so scared. please, let's get out of here. let's talk."</p><p> </p><p>ten looked at hendery, right at his eyes. if it weren't for the weather, he knew hendery would have started crying. right now, only his lips were trembling, slightly parted. his fingers twiched occasionally, either from the cold or the adrenaline coursing through him system.</p><p> </p><p>despite his body language, his eyes spoke differently. without words, they pleaded for ten to just take his hand and leave this place. leave the edge of the bridge that weighed his life and his death.</p><p> </p><p>tonight, with pure love for a friend, ten took henderys hand, who in return grasped it so tightly as if he were afraid to let go. after a long hug shared between the two, they headed back to henderys car, that thankfully didn't get towed while they were there.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. day 24 — 24/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>insomniac nights; ten stares at his tree lamp for hours until he finally gets up and talks to the sky through the balcony.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"eih," ten shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>the wooden paneling on his floor bit at his skin, even though the apartment's heating should be on right now. he had been throwing a ball at the wall and bouncing it back towards him for around 45 minutes now, repeating the process over and over again. after what happened yesterday, ten didnt trust himself to go outside alone anymore. all his friends were asleep (even kun, which was a surprise), so he was stuck in his own home.</p><p> </p><p>thankfully, his dad wasn't awake, and the wall he was using wasn't connected to any other wall in the apartment. the ball got boring quickly, however, so he tossed it onto his bed and remained lying on the floor, arms over his head and palms cushioning it.</p><p> </p><p>a sleepless night, this was then. ten wasn’t hungry, nor sad, but maybe excited. tomorrow was lucas’ birthday, but all lucas said was for the entire group to meet up at the park tomorrow. no one had any idea what he had in mind (although maybe sicheng had a few hints), but they’d do as lucas asked. it was his day tomorrow after all.</p><p> </p><p>tens attention was stolen by the unique desk lamp resting on his table. it had a circular disc as its base, and in the middle, curving metal beams protruded out, emitting light from the little bulbs screwed to the ends of each beam. an ikea product under the name hovnäs. it was tens favourite item in his room. just under 4 months old, it became the light he used more than his own ceiling light.</p><p> </p><p>ten would go on his phone to pass the time, but all he’d end up doing is scrolling through social media for hours and hours without end even if it got boring within the first 5 minutes. besides. if his parents caught him awake at this time of day on his phone, it would get taken. find your son on his balcony, sleepless, and the phone would have had no part in his insomnia.</p><p> </p><p>ten would’ve been lying if he said it wasn’t cold. it was literally freezing. the metal railing of his balcony felt like icicles and the floor felt like he was sitting on a frozen lake, but he’d much rather the biting chill of winter compared to even the smallest sign of warmth from summer.</p><p> </p><p>ten looked up at the sky and asked, “why did i meet qian kun?”</p><p> </p><p>he knew the sky couldn’t answer. no. not even the twinkling stars that became his anchor to reality whenever he hung out with hendery, or kun, or lucas, or any of his friends really. they couldn’t answer his question, or the next 24 that followed after. ten would never get an answer, but at least it felt good enough to be able to ask them aloud.</p><p> </p><p>"eih," ten shook his head. it’d be long before he lulled himself to sleep at this rate.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. day 25 — 25/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>lucas' birthday. all he wants to do is walk through a park with his friends. polaroid pictures are taken.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>the snowfall from last night covered the streets in a faily thick layer of snow. it was as tall as the padding on the bottom of tens running shoes, so it was still something he could go through, just maybe using his feet and not his bike.</p><p> </p><p>this time, he left the apartment through the lobby, something he rarely ever did. the glass double doors made way for him, stinging his skin with the icy gust of wind that was sucked into the warm lobby. ten left the comfort of the lobbys heating system and into the cold weather.</p><p> </p><p>he mentally cursed lucas in his mind for planning for it to be at the park. it was freezing today, and the sun graced nagaoka with only 3 rays of sunshine per 100 kilometers and only every hour. ten was about to ditch everything and hang out at the cafe (which was owned by a lesbian couple as he learned just yesterday!).</p><p> </p><p>the walk there felt like an eternity, and ten felt like his eyes weren't going to be able to close at all the moment he got to the park. when the first signs of a park bench came into view, and the distant laughter which <em>obviously</em> belonged to hendery, he sighed, accepted his fate, and waded himself through the snow.</p><p> </p><p>"mind telling me why we're out here when it's under 0 degrees at fucking 2 in the afternoon?" ten shivered.</p><p> </p><p>"well," lucas grinned, "i hope you're all familiar with what a scavenger hunt is."</p><p> </p><p>yangyang fell face first into the snow. he yelled, "you know i have like one braincell! and kun's constantly keeping it safe for me, <em>away</em> from me!"</p><p> </p><p>"well you're in luck, because you're going in pairs anyway."</p><p> </p><p>ten thought the idea of a scavenger hunt must've escaped lucas' mind, and that the word he was actually looking for was just...merely "hunt". the objective was to find a box hidden somewhere, and the only hint lucas gave was the korean letters for m and 2 silent consonants.</p><p> </p><p>"he's 15 this year?" ten asked hendery, who ended up being his partner.</p><p> </p><p>"yep. hit him on the head 15 times?"</p><p> </p><p>"i can do that. you cant."</p><p> </p><p>hendery huffed out. with the entire group lacking in korean knowledge, ten thought the word shouldn't be too hard.</p><p> </p><p>"there's a word that means delicious starting with all these," hendery suggested. "but then there's also "cool"."</p><p> </p><p>"convenience store. for cool? maybe sunglasses. or i don't know...lucas finds literally <em>everything</em> cool."</p><p> </p><p>10 minutes later, ten and henderys theory proved to be right as they found a little brown box behind the convenience store, hidden perfectly under some dried leaves and the snow. if the item in there was valuable, ten had no idea how lucas trusted fate out of everything else to keep it safe.</p><p> </p><p>and turns out it was; a polaroid camera sat snugly in the box. sky blue, still sleek as if it was manufactured and bought on the same day.</p><p> </p><p>"when did you get this?" sicheng asked.</p><p> </p><p>lucas shrugged. "november? i buried it somewhere in december though."</p><p> </p><p>over 25 days in hiding. ten could cheer to that.</p><p> </p><p>fortunately, the next event wasn't taking place at the park. lucas brought his (moms) car, but the range rover couldn't possibly fit all 7 of them. the drive was only 5 minutes though, so they ended up squeezing 4 people in the back, xiaojun sprawled across all their laps. he posed as a mermaid, shamelessly.</p><p> </p><p>lucas adjusted the rearview mirror, locking eyes with ten who glared at him, shadows around him dancing. "comfy?"</p><p> </p><p>"drive."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>lucas loved warm lighting. it reminded him of christmas, his favourite holiday, and the way freshly baked bread smelled in a bakery. xiaojun lit up the fireplace with his moms help, prompting yangyang to drag kun along with him to cuddle on the circular rug in front of the fireplace. in the kitchen, sicheng and hendery were making sandwiches for the rest. lucas felt content. he was home, literally but also not. he was in his own home with the people he loved. all his friends, and his mom.</p><p> </p><p>silently, he snapped a polaroid picture of xiaojun, yangyang, and kun in front of the fireplace. ten, who was on the couch, also made it into the shot. then, at the open kitchen, he took a picture of sicheng and hendery, arms around each others shoulders as they laid sandwich fillings out, bright smiles on their faces.</p><p> </p><p>love, lucas thought, wasn't that hard to find. people say it's special, intense, passionate, but yet lucas could find a thousand things to love everyday. when his father was still around, the house was lit with bright, white lights. they were blinding in lucas' memories, although they only remained up to when he was 7. by the time he entered first grade, the divorce papers and restraining order had gone though, and lucas no longer had bruises on his arms and legs, or a reason to fear home after that.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>in 3rd grade, his mom changed all the lightbulbs at home to yellow light. he remembered coming back home from school and turning on the kitchen light only to find that it was slightly darker than before.</p><p> </p><p>"what happened to the lights, mommy?" he had asked.</p><p> </p><p>his mom smiled. "i changed them while you were at school with your uncle. do you like it?"</p><p> </p><p>8 year old lucas turned to look at the ceiling light. blinding, but it wasn't as blinding as the ones before, and his fathers punches, strong enough to knock him against the floor.</p><p> </p><p>"i like them."</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>in 6th grade, lucas came home from school with his first bruise in 6 years. it was from a classmate at school who accidentally knocked him to the ground while they were playing basketball with his elbow. it hurt even after he was sent to the clinic, but he was greeted with chocolate chip cookies when he got home, and suddenly the bruise didn't hurt anymore, and he didn't see his father whenever he saw the purple blue skin on his cheek.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>in 7th grade, he met sicheng for the first time. it'd been in the chem lab. sicheng had been in his homeroom the entire year, but lucas was too wrapped up in reading his manga to actually realize who his classmates were.</p><p> </p><p>sicheng was cold and quiet at first, even to the point where lucas thought the latter hated him. their lab projects would always be carried out in painfully awkward silence, but it would be done in the end anyway.</p><p> </p><p>until one day, sicheng said, "so you read haikyuu?"</p><p> </p><p>"huh?" lucas asked dumbly, partially because he hadn't heard the other, but also because he literally couldn't <em>believe</em> sicheng was actually talking to him.</p><p> </p><p>"i see you reading manga in homeroom a lot. haikyuu. who's your favourite?"</p><p> </p><p>lucas learned quickly that sicheng was the type to get straight to the point instead if dropping hints and beating around the bush. he was quiet, collected but also straightforward and assertive. everything lucas wasn't. that day, he ditched lunch with the basketball team to sit with sicheng and two upperclassmen named kun, and ten, who was a foreigner from thailand. he'd never felt so free in his life. it took him back to the day he started elementary school.</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>now, in 10th grade, lucas was strong, physically and mentally. he learned what love was and what friendship was in the absence of a father figure, knowing that his mom was enough. he wasn't scared, like his father was when he faced the ultimate financial sacrifice he signed up for when he decided to marry and have children. he could love without limits. he loved life, just like he loved his friends and his mother.</p><p> </p><p>lucas loved deeply, and though he particularly loved sicheng, it made no difference to him. love is love. that's the emotion he felt the most.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. day 26 — 26/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten leaves his apartment complex and goes to a florist. he makes friends with the florist, lee taeyong, and makes note of a flower that reminds him of kun.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">by now, going out was a routine. with his eyes closed, ten could find his way out of the apartment and well on his way to the city square.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he passed by the convenience store, the mall, and the cafe in search for a new shop, until his eyes settled on a dark green exterior right next to the bright cafe he frquented. the front window was an arch with a sharp tip, like a leaf cut in half. golden borders divided the window into 4 parts, like the traditional square window with 4 panels. ten locked his bike onto the racks of the cafe next door, and pushed the door open.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the man behind the counter on his right instantly greeted him. "lee florists! how can i help you?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten looked closer. the tints of pink in his hair turned out to be from tulip petals. he was a flower boy, just like kun. no wonder he worked as a florist. </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"oh, i'm just looking around." ten said.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"alright, i'll be right here if you need me." he smiled, to which ten returned.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the interior was gorgeous. pots suspended from the ceiling decorated the air with flowers of all colours. the glass shelves on the walls were filled with all sorts of different types of cacti in little porcelain bowls, and in the middle were flower carts, overflowing with lilies and dasies and tulips. heaven was being surrounded by gorgeous plants without being bothered by insects every 6 seconds.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">a flower on one of the display tables caught his eye. a long stalk, many little branches with little purple flowers growing out of the ends. it reminded ten of lavenders, but its colour was much brighter than those, and flowers were much more defined. he couldn't help but think of kun when he first saw them.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"um, excuse me, sir?" he called out, glancing at the counter. "can you tell me about these?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the guy practically leaped over the counter and ran over to ten. ten was even worried that he might've knocked over some things in his frantic pace, but nothing seemed to be out of place.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"ah, this is a rare one," he started. "clovenlip toadflaxes. it's not a popular one, but it's usually used for confessions. something like "please notice my love for you". are you interested?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"maybe for valentines..." ten mumbled. "how much would an arrangement be?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"unique choice for a valentines gift. it depends though." he shrugged. "what's your budget? do you have a specific thing in mind?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"my budget? maybe 800 yen. i don't want it to come off too strong, but not too soft either. like...something playful but also serious."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"nervous huh," he chuckled. "i could give you a stalk with some cotton plants and maybe some greens for effect."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"that would be perfect." ten smiled. "what's your name?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"lee taeyong," taeyong said. "and you?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"ten. i'm from thailand, but i live here now. do you own this place?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"yep!" taeyong said, bouncing on his knees. "i started this business a year ago eith my boyfriend, mark. it's been slow, especially during this time of year, but we start to build up some orders by the time february rolls in."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten nodded. "ah, valentines, and spring is just around the corner." </span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"exactly. what about you? who are those flowers for?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"just this guy i like," ten sighed, "you? what does the tulip on your head mean?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"oh this?" taeyong asked, hands touching exactly where the tulip was as if he had done it a million times. "it bloomed when i first met my boyfriend. one of my longest flowers. i think it signifies the bond i have with him."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten looked longingly at the tulip. "that's adorable..."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"does this crush of yours have a flower for you?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"how'd you know he's like you?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">taeyong shrugged. "lucky guess. besides”, most of the people who come here usually get gifts for their partners who have flower magic too.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"well, he grew a clover once because of me," ten mused, "but that's it. it withered away 2 weeks after anyway."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">taeyong nodded understandingly. "don't worry, kid. it'll come."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">taeyong's different, ten thought. the man at the convenience store couldn't have lighthearted yet sincere conversations with him like these. neither could yuta, who probably spent half his career yelling at ten and the other half sitting on a chair playing mobile games. taeyong was still a kid at heart, ten noticed. maybe that's why ten instantly felt an attachment to him.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. day 27 — 27/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten skips chemistry and is caught, getting himself suspended for the rest of the day. the group finds him at the nearby park picking flowers so they block the call to his parents and take him out to the city for the afternoon.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>chemistry was something ten wasn’t very good at. hell, he wasn’t good at it at <em>all</em>. the concept of electrolysis or fractional distillation or even stiochiometry intrigued him, but for some reason, he just couldn’t seem to understand anything, as eager as he was to learn.</p><p> </p><p>unfortunately, the teacher didn’t catch onto that. he would criticize students who failed, but worked hard, and praised those who got high marks, even if they cheated in the test. it was aggravating, but ten figured he couldn’t blame him. after all, it wasn’t his fault that he’d grown old enough not to catch the sneakiest of cheaters during the test.</p><p> </p><p>however, even with the amount of respect he had for his chemistry teacher, it wasn’t enough to stop him from skipping every once in a while. the first time, he didn’t get caught. either did he on the second, or third, or fourth, and so on. he’d gotten so used to locking himself into a stall in the bathroom and propping his laptop up on his legs, which were resting on the door.</p><p> </p><p>unfortunately, this time, someone had tipped the principal off, giving away tens, and 3 others’, positions. they were cornered in that bathroom with nowhere to escape and no other choice but to surrender.</p><p> </p><p>so that’s how ten ended up getting himself suspended for the day, which by the way, was tame compared to detention even though it shouldn’t be. the teacher on duty for detention ran that class as if she were a dictator, and ten would rather die than even look her in the eye. on the other hand, the teacher on duty for suspension was their gym teacher; mr kim jungwoo.</p><p> </p><p>he was sweet, in tens opinion. he’d always thought a gym teacher had to be tough and all scary, but jungwoo was the opposite, like a snake hidden in your daffodils. jungwoo would attract students and play his innocent, soft act, but once you crossed a line, he wouldn’t be so lenient. those rules applied to everyone. everyone but ten lee.</p><p> </p><p>ten had his own methods of charming his way into jungwoos heart. even before this, ten would receive the subtlest hints of special treatment from jungwoo, ranging from basketballs in their optimal condition to more water breaks than anyone else, or maybe that was just because ten asked.</p><p> </p><p>so ten ended up outside, on the streets, already changed out of his school uniform to prevent cops from catching him. he wandered around the neighbourhood for a while, quite unsure of what to do, before his mind went back to two days before, when lucas dragged them all out to the park for his birthday.</p><p> </p><p>so off he went, towards the fields of green, where his most recent cherished memory was made.</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>“have you guys see ten?” kun asked.</p><p> </p><p>“what? no. didn’t you have math with him last period?” xiaojun asked back.</p><p> </p><p>“i was supposed to,” kun sighed, “did he skip?i cant believe he skipped. he promised he wouldn’t. but fuck, what if something bad happened to him?”</p><p> </p><p>kun borrowed henderys phone to call ten. the line rang for a few seconds before ten said “<em>hello?</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“ten, this is kun,” kun said, “where are you? are you okay? did you skip? you promised me you wouldn’t!”</p><p> </p><p>though the others weren’t the one with the device pressed against their ear, they knew ten was silent for at least 10 seconds. thinking of what to say? disappointed that kun assumed he was in the wrong? or maybe both?</p><p> </p><p>“<em>i’m at the park. yangyang’s with me,</em>” ten said curtly.</p><p> </p><p>“oh…” kun spoke, realizing that he may have started off badly. “do you want us to catch up?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>its up to you.</em>” and then the line cut off.</p><p> </p><p>“well,” kun sucked in a breath, “i fucked up.”</p><p> </p><p>despite kun fucking up, the group decided to catch up with ten and yangyang anyway. it was a snowless, sunny day. the air was still cold, biting at the back of kuns nasal cavities, but there was warmth wherever the sun rays could hit. he drank some water to help prevent his throat from drying up.</p><p> </p><p>they found ten and yangyang within minutes, lying on their backs on the grass, eyes closed. if kun didn’t know them any better, he would’ve thought they were sleeping, but the rise and fall of yangyangs chest wasn’t deep enough, and ten’s extremely subtle content smile gave it away.</p><p> </p><p>“hey,” kun said softly, placing a hand on tens shoulder, “it’s me.”</p><p> </p><p>ten opened his eyes, and kun braces for an instant fall in his expression. it never came. the content smile stayed, and tens gaze wasn’t hard, nor condescending. it was just ten, the one he’d always known.</p><p> </p><p>“i’m sorry i snapped like that,” kun said, sitting on the grass next to him while the rest tackled yangyang up. “i panicked. i was scared something bad happened to you.”</p><p> </p><p>“it’s okay,” ten replied. “for the record, i did skip. but i didn’t expect to be skipping the rest of the day.”</p><p> </p><p>“yeah? how’d that happen?”</p><p> </p><p>if it were anyone else, ten thought he might’ve taken the shorter way through the story. this was kun, though, and no matter how hard he tried to make it simple, he ended up reciting every single detail, no matter how minute. ten had even made it a little bit more comedic so it’d be more bearable for the other.</p><p> </p><p>retelling the story hurt his pride. it was embarrassing to be caught skipping like that. the other boys who skipped weren’t affected by it as much, probably since they were used to it, but the ordeal struck tens heart. he just wanted to skip one class, not the rest of the day. he’d be dead when his parents found out.</p><p> </p><p>and by the end of the story, ten hadn’t even noticed his voice breaking and his eyes welling up until lucas told him not to cry. he hadn’t even noticed that the rest of the group had gathered around to listen as well.</p><p> </p><p>“principals gonna call his parents by today,” yangyang spoke for him, “we’ve gotta stop it somehow.”</p><p> </p><p>“yeah? how are we gonna do that?” sicheng asked.</p><p> </p><p>“well we can’t cut the cord in tens house. he’d get the blame,” yangyang theorized. “what about the schools?”</p><p> </p><p>“you wanna cut out <em>60</em> different cables in 60 different classes?”</p><p> </p><p>“ah, we don’t have to,” xiaojun realized, “theres a wire that connects all the phones to the line outside.”</p><p> </p><p>ten scoffed, still sniffling a little. “dumbasses. who the fuck uses a landline these days, am i right?”</p><p> </p><hr/><p> </p><p>they felt like kids once again, playing secret agent around the house, but this time, they were highschoolers (and one middle schooler) on a mission to save their friend. the school? a corrupt military base. the teachers? highly trained soldiers. the classrooms? barracks. and the phones? the bombs they have to defuse.</p><p> </p><p>“xiaojun, where is it?” sicheng asked</p><p> </p><p>“basement,” he replied, “come on. it’s almost 4. they’ll come pouring out like ants any second now.”</p><p> </p><p>ten was having a bad day. everything was monotonous, and it even went downhill at one point. but here, in the hallways of his school, with his 6 best friends, rolling around like idiots, he’d never felt more alive. he looked at all of them one by one as they rolled over to the other side of the hallway (except for hendery who failed) and he knew he could call them home. he’d stated that many times before, but this time, he was sure. no regrets, o second thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>later that afternoon, after they heard the principal screech in their office about the 60 dead phones in their building, ten called his mom. “ma, can i go into the city today?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>right now? you haven’t even been home yet. who’s with you?</em>”</p><p> </p><p>ten looked around. “kun, yangyang, xuxi, dejun, sicheng, and guanheng.”</p><p> </p><p>hendery visibly cringed at the mention of his birthname.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>oh, i should’ve known. i don’t mind as long as you come home before your father does. you know how he is…</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“of course ma,” ten laughed, “thanks. love you.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>make sure you spare time for homework too!</em>”</p><p> </p><p>“i’ll do it with kun,” he said. “bye ma.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>be safe.</em>”</p><p> </p><p>oh, what a beautiful feeling, to be loved, and to be free with those you love.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. day 28 — 28/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>xiaojun and ten go biking together. xiaojun runs into the wing mirror of someones car.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>that morning, there was a school assembly addressing the phones issue. however, it was passed off as a rat problem. a part of ten was disappointed that their work was considered one of a rats, but he was glad they got off the hook. god knows what would happen if they got caught.</p><p>unlike the previous, today went by uneventfully. classes, then throwing food at each other at lunch, then back to classes again. even for ten, who has extra chinese lessons after school to help his grades for chinese language at school. he began to regret not taking english instead, even though he was mostly fluent in it. it would help prevent his report card from looking so terrible. the rest, except yangyang who was planning to take spanish, had taken english.</p><p>suddenly, he got a call from xiaojun. “hello?”</p><p>“ten, i need your help. you have lessons right beside a family mart don’t you?”</p><p>“uh, yeah. why?”</p><p>“i ordered stuff online, and you know i don’t have a credit card.”</p><p>and that's how ten ended up with xiaojun and his bike outside the family mart. he'd barely said anything to his tutor, just a hurried "i'll be back soon, my friend needs help!" before hurrying out the door without his bag. surely he'd be back before class ended, and even if he wasn't the place would be open for another hour.</p><p>ten biked to xiaojuns house to pick him up first. it was his first time, and he was terrified to be biking out on the streets alone, so ten came to pick him up first and keep him company.</p><p>on the way there, they stuck to the side of the road, but xiaojun had gotten too close to the wing mirror of a car and hit it with the handle of his bike. fortunately, the owner snapped it back in place with ease. xiaojun left with only a light warning, and they laughed about it all the way back to the family mart.</p><p>"what did you get this time?" ten asked while they were at the counter.</p><p>"exo photocards, maybe some posters too."</p><p>"how much?"</p><p>xiaojun took a moment. "around 11, 500 yen..."</p><p>ten sighed, "you're insane."</p><p>to say that xiaojun didn't come from a well off family would be a lie. he wasn't sure of what his parents' jobs were, but it brought in a lot of income to be able to support 3 kids and a dog. as far as ten was aware, xiaojun had went on 3 other hauls like these, collecting rare photocards of the korean idol group exo. ten wasn't a fan like xiaojun, but he listened to the majority of their discography.</p><p>"are you sure your mom isn't going to flip?" ten questioned.</p><p>"it'll be fine," xiaojun dismissed, "this is the last of my hong bao money from last year anyway."</p><p>"well don't stress. chinese new year's in 3 days."</p><p>once the transaction was done through a machine in the convenience store, ten made sure xiaojun knew the way home (even though it was only 6 blocks away) since he tended to forget how to get around. he should've known trusting xiaojun blindly was a mistake, because another phone call came in 10 minutes later from a distressed xiaojun.</p><p>"ten! you've gotta help me. i've got no clue where i am."</p><p>that's insane! ten hadn't left him for more than 10 minutes and he'd already gotten lost. xiaojun sounded like he was on a busy road from the amount of cars honking in the background. xiaojun took a turn too early and ended up on the main road next to his road.</p><p>"alright, stay there, i'll come get you."</p><p>once again, ten hurried out the door, this time with a "my friend's lost!" to his tutor. he kicked back the kickstand on his bike and took off in a hurry, just in case xiaojun had ventured too far and gotten himself even more lost.</p><p>ten was right, he did take a turn too early. he found xiaojun panting, bike in between his legs that were planted on the ground. if it were anyone else, ten would've gotten mad, but he didn't have the heart to even scold xiaojun this time.</p><p>"come on, it's alright. you just took a left turn too early. let's go home."</p><p>the way back took longer because they decided to get off their bikes and just walk. it was nearing 4pm, and the sun had just dipped behind a flurry of clouds, painting the sky a dull blue. ten checked on xiaojun occasionally, making sure he was okay until they got to xiaojuns house.</p><p>"the 5th left, okay? don't forget," ten reminded as xiaojun retreated into his house.</p><p>"got it," he said, "sorry for bothering you."</p><p>"it's no big deal," ten shrugged, "at least i get to bail out of my chinese class."</p><p>xiaojun laughed, and then they parted. ten hurried back to his extra courses with only 10 minutes left of class time. he barely did anything there anyway, so his tutor let him go 10 minutes early. despite that, ten couldn't go home just yet. if he came home early, his mom would figure out something was wrong and dig around to find out, and he couldn't risk that.</p><p>so ten hung out at the family mart for a while, sipping on a bottle of cold brew coffee to pass the time. as the sun set further, the sky got darker. to ten, more melancholic. also anxious. there was a twisting feeling in his gut even if he knew nothing bad would happen. his shadows grew even if he knew he'd be alright until he got home. his hands still shook slightly even if he knew he was safe.</p><p>5:55PM. it would be safe for him to head home now. he slipped the coffee bottle into the side pocket of his backpack before he took off on his bike for the 3rd time that day. in only an hour and a half, he had the most eventful afternoon of his life, made exclusively with xiaojun.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. day 29 — 29/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten takes 2000 yen from his dad.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten wouldn't call it stealing, but no one else would have if they were ten with all his past memories and feelings.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it was a wednesday, but ten had plans to go to the mall for a "school project with kun". he lied straight through his teeth. these were one of the rare days when his dad hadn't turned on his psycho-mode switch and was feeling very apathetic. he granted ten permission to go to the mall and grab some money from his wallet in case he needed it.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">logically, ten knew he only needed around 2000 yen, but the many other bills in his wallet were <em>so</em> tempting.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he grabbed 2000 yen, and another 2000 was slipped into his pocket. for personal reasons. for a moment, he partially felt bad, since his dad was particularly nice today, but he knew that ultimately it'd backfire, and all regrets were instantly thrown out the door.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten held up the 2000 yen. "here's 2000. thanks."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"alright. have fun." he said before going back to his phone.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten left without another word. his mom offered to drive him, but he was feeling pretty active today, so he rejected the offer and took his bike anyway.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he wasn't actually going to meet up with kun. he was meeting up with lucas. lucas was extremely nervous about getting sicheng a valentines day gift, even though it would be anonymous.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"lucas, you could buy him a goddamn padlock and he'd love it," ten sighed, scratching his head as he tailed lucas like a lost puppy.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"no," he whined, going through the aisles for the 3rd time now. "it needs to be perfect. something meaningful but-"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"also something he needs and can use, i get it," ten finished.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">lucas was quiet for a while before he said softly, "i don't like him."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten just merely shook his head. "come on, let's go get your man something."</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. day 30 — 30/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>yangyang is a watercolouring genius. ten is genuinely amused. xiaojuns artwork suddenly sucks. hendery gets a little sexy.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">a little kitchen with plants accenting the room. it had a wooden planks and white tiles theme going on, and ten could've married the style it was painted in. no offense, but it was impossible to believe yangyang drew that and painted it himself.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"no way you did this," lucas gasped, taking a closer look at his work. "how? not even xiaojun could do it this well."</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"shut the fuck up," xiaojun hissed, roughly elbowing lucas beside him. "the kid had someone else do this, i swear."</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"you guys are so mean." yangyang pouted. "i literally did this myself. ask my friend chenle."</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"your friend who?" kun asked.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"zhong chenle. we started talking maybe a few days ago. he went to that watercolour workshop with me."</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">kun opened his mouth to say something, but seemingly decided against it. huh, that was odd. kun was the type to speak before thinking. ten made a mental note to himself to ask kun about it later.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"it's okay xiaojunnnie," hendery wiggled his eyebrows. "i want you to paint me like one of your french girls."</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"fucking," xiaojun huffed, roughly pushing hendery aside onto yangyangs bed. "disgusting. do you know what that means?"</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">hendery smirked. "duh. draw me naked."</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">xiaojun grimaced and made disgusted noises out loud, backing away from hendery until he hit the wall. "begone, thot!"</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">sicheng lost his mind at that, because one second he was sitting on the bed, and the next he was on the floor on yangyangs carpet, laughing his heart out as he laughed as if he were screeching. seeing his crush like that, lucas curled up in a corner, hiding his face in secondhand embarrassment.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">kun took this as an opportunity to pick hendery up bridal style. "okay dery. enough gay panic for xiaojun. we all know how straight he is."</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"my family may be devoted catholics, but i hope you know i'm gay as fuck and they know," xiaojun retaliated.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">out of their entire group, xiaojun was the only one who'd came out to his family. ironically, his was the one with the most amount of members.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">kun would come out to his dad, but he didn't think it was important right now, so he put that off for next time.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten...well, there was just no way he was coming out to two raging homophobes.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">hendery was still questioning, but even if he weren't straight, he wasn't sure his parents would care enough.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">sichengs family was away a lot, but he was sure they had suspicions.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">lucas was on a similar boat, and he knew he'd come out soon, just not right now.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">and then there was yangyang. he didn't like to put a label on what he felt, but he wasn't straight. if he were to be completely honest, his new friend zhong chenle was a little cute, especially with his little dolphin laugh, but yangyang couldn't say anything for sure. he'd only known the other for a week at most.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"i'm not drawing your dick. that's final," xiaojun stated.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"my tiddies?"</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"no!" xiaojun and kun yelled simultaneously.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">lucas curled up even further in the corner, peeking once in a while through his fingers. but once he saw hendery being carried by kun, arms around the olders neck as he tried to pull kun into a kiss, lucas covered his face once again.</span>
</p>
<p class="p2"> </p>
<p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"i hate horny people," lucas groaned.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. day 31 — 31/01</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>it's lunar new year. ten wants to stand under the rain.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">they say rain on lunar new year was a sign of good luck, that the rain water represented blessings from heaven.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten thought the rain water represented condensed water vapor falling back down to the earth due to gravity.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he'd been at his dads office for over 4 hours now. his parents were talking to his dads relatives, and none of them had married despite being a family of 12 kids. ten had no cousins from his dads side, making this visit extremely lonely.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">he made his way to the rooftop, where black iron bars were built over the concrete wall that acted as a railing. the roof was also made out of the bars, just with plastic cartons zip tied to it to prevent the weather from caving in. it was cheap and simple, but also effective. ten had to give his dad props for that.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">the rooftop was essentially a rooftop garden. various potted plants were lined up against the walls, accompanying the ventilation fans up there. they were a bit dry, so ten grabbed a nearby water can and began to water them.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it was a gray, cloudy day. rain poured from the sky, and ten longed to stand under it. the blessings thing was bullshit to him, but oh how he hoped for it to be true, just so he could stand under it and pray that his life would get so much better from here on out.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. day 32 — 01/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>xiaojuns dog zhupi cant resist lucas’ bear hugs. it also pees on sicheng mid argument.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>every year, after lunar new year, they’d gather at xiaojuns house. mostly for an opportunity to steal from the hong bao money he got the day before. no matter the circumstances, xiaojun always ended up with the most, and it was always either ten, hendery, or kun last, since ten and henderys families weren’t very big, and kun never went to visit relatives anyway.</p><p> </p><p>this year, somehow, sicheng beat xiaojun by just ¥2000. it sparked a playful argument, but it didn't seem so to zhupi; xiaojun's dog. the little pug got up off from where lucas was cuddling it on his chest and right over to where sicheng was sitting. they were too deep into their argument that when sicheng realized what the warm liquid soaking the cuffs of his jeans were, it was already to late.</p><p> </p><p>"get your fucking dog, bitch!" sicheng screamed.</p><p> </p><p>"it don't bite."</p><p> </p><p>"but it <em>pees</em>!"</p><p> </p><p>ten could've been sent up to heaven in that insant from laughing too hard. kun, who emerged from the kitchen to see what the commotion was all about, almost dropped a bowl of chips while choking on the one in his mouth. thankfully enough, xiaojuns family wasn't home, or ten was sure they'd be dead by now from the sheer volume of the noise they were making. hell, maybe xiaojun would wake up tomorrow with a noise complaint in the mail.</p><p> </p><p>xiaojun helped sicheng towards the bathroom where he lent the other a pair of his own pants. considering how tiny xiaojun was compared to sicheng, it was a miracle they fit. they were sweatpants, though. how could they have not fit?</p><p> </p><p>while the two were in the bathroom, yangyang snuck a dog treat from the living room and fed it to zhupi. "good girl."</p><p> </p><p>"yangyang..." lucas shook his head, beginning to fear yangyang.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. day 33 — 02/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten is extremely sad. kun offers him a drive around town and thoughts are shared.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw // mentions of self harm</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>the amount of times ten had been in kuns truck just as it reached past midnight would surpass the amount of times ten had ever blinked in his life. most of his sleepless nights were spent in the passengers seat of the vehicle while kuns hands were on the wheel, sitting on his right. the ac was turned off, since the night air was cool enough to chill the inside of the vehicle. kun swore he never saw tens shadows so faint before.</p><p> </p><p>"what brings you here this time?" kun asked, taking a left turn to his house.</p><p> </p><p>"couldn't sleep. too many thoughts i think," ten replied.</p><p> </p><p>kun made a noise of understanding. "it happens. soju or coke?"</p><p> </p><p>"soju," ten said, "but we're splitting it."</p><p> </p><p>so the green bottle sat in the cupholder under the radio and cd system of the vehicle. they were parked on the side of the road in the city square. the lights were still on, but there were fewer cars and other vehicles compared to when it was day. in this circumstance, kuns truck just looked like a suppliers truck delivering stock items to a store.</p><p> </p><p>"here, i cant drink too much." kun handed the bottle to ten. "i cant get a dui or i'm never going to forgive myself, and i still need to figure out what's bothering you."</p><p> </p><p>ten took a large swig of the drink. "i don't know what's bothering me. there's a lot of pressure. i just want to...go back."</p><p> </p><p>"to what?"</p><p> </p><p>"don't make me say it," ten whispered, hands clutching at his hoodie.</p><p> </p><p>"scratching yourself again? ten, you're a month clean," kun reminded. "don't throw that all away."</p><p> </p><p>ten pulled his arms towards himself. "i most likely won't. i just want the pressure to go away. i think its because of my parents."</p><p> </p><p>"yeah? what'd they do this time?"</p><p> </p><p>ten shrugged. "same thing. college, major, job."</p><p> </p><p>kun nodded and hummed. "you know, my dad always says that you can never be happy if you only strive to please those around you. basically, what matters in your life is just you."</p><p> </p><p>ten didn't respond to that, but his shadows didn't grow at all. kun took that as a good sign. they sat in silence, kun letting ten process his words as he slowly emptied the bottle of alcohol into himself. it was a miracle how tens alcohol tolerance was low, yet he could still have conversations like these despite how tipsy kun knew he was beginning to get.</p><p> </p><p>"i'll go to college, get a degree is psychology. fuck med school. that's not what i want."</p><p> </p><p>kun grinned, turning the engine back on. "that's my boy."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. day 34 — 03/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>a formal apology is written by ten to his chem teacher. said teacher later sits on a melted chocolate bar, courtesy of xiaojun.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>a week after tens class skipping incident, and the very same night he had a enlightening conversation with kun, ten handwrote a formal apology to his chemistry teacher for what he did. it rose suspicion in the older man, but he accepted it nonetheless and let ten go with a simple "don't do that again."</p><p> </p><p>xiaojun, however, seemed to have different plans in mind.</p><p> </p><p>he'd been the victim of one too many pranks carried out by yangyang. since he'd been on the receiving end for far too long, he decided to shake it up a little by being on the giving end, just not to yangyang, to the 11th grade chemistry teacher.</p><p> </p><p>he had a habit of plopping down on his chair while he texted his wife on his phone. xiaojun had once sat on a melted chocolate bar planted by yangyang, so he recreated the same prank. he purchased some kit-kat from the school canteen, melted it using henderys fire before unwrapping the sticky foil from the bar and leaving it on the teacher's chair.</p><p> </p><p>"he won't know who we are," xiaojun reassured.</p><p> </p><p>"he's going to get us next year," hendery bit. "what if he fails us?"</p><p> </p><p>"we just have to make sure he doesnt catch us," xiaojun said.</p><p> </p><p>sneaking in the class wasn't difficult, it was just avoiding the hallway cctv. hendery had been in the control room once though, and there was a certain blind spot they could go through; 5 feet away from the left of the camera, then dashing right behind it where its lens couldn't reach.</p><p> </p><p>it was smooth sailing from there on out. the chocolate bar was planted on the chair. hendery torched it a little more for good measure, and the mere thought of their plan working made henderys fire bounce around on his body giddily and the ground on where they walked vibrate a little. xiaojun didnt stick around too long to see how it ended, mostly because he was afraid he'd accidentally start an earthquake, but by the way the chemistry teacher limped to the bathroom as xiaojun was leaving school, he could tell his plan had succeeded.</p><p> </p><p>he would have told ten about his great success, but he wasn't sure how he'd take it, especially since the latter was so relieved at lunch after telling the rest that he sent the letter. xiaojun knew he would never get the credit for that prank, and he just hoped it would fall on anyone else but tens shoulders.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. day 35 — 04/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>lucas admits to ten he's been pining after sicheng for a while now, ten plays matchmaker.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">tens not stupid. he knew the longing glances lucas gave sicheng were more than just playful glances. the way lucas' fingertips always touched sicheng for just a second longer than he touched anyone else. tens not stupid, but neither is lucas, except for this time.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"what do you mean you all know?" lucas asked, beginning to panic.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"i mean literally the entire group </span>
  <span class="s2">but </span>
  <span class="s1">the two of you are aware of your feelings for each other," ten sighed, "lucas, he likes you too. why are you afraid?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">it's been half an hour since school ended. lucas' mom was running late today, and since ten could get himself home whenever he wanted, he decided to stay with lucas until his mom came. now they sat on a bench outside on the school lobby.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"people in my grade only like me because i'm attractive," he stated, "no one's ever known me as much as sicheng does and still managed to develop a crush on me."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">that's why he was afraid? that sicheng knew him wholly, inside and out, but could still love him like the waves of the sea loved the shore of the beach? that sicheng knew all his weaknesses but still wanted to be with him? lucas had never been sentimental, but when it came to his feelings for sicheng, or romantic feelings in general, he considered more than the average person would.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"listen, lucas, i like kun, right?" ten started, "he's one of the only people who i call at midnight when i get bad again, and i still love him unconditionally. it's </span>
  <span class="s2"><em>because</em> </span>
  <span class="s1">you opened up to him that he could love you more than he realizes."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"but what about our friendship? aren't i throwing that away?"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">"well, that's just another risk when you want to pursue a relationship, isn't it? it's just a matter of if you're willing to take it or not."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">as if on cue, lucas' mom pulled up and honked to get her sons attention.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">lucas sighed. "i'll take it."</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">then he got up, and walked away, leaving ten in both shock and confusion. "that- that's great! i'll help you then!"</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">lucas, without looking back, just jabbed his thumb into the air before disappearing into the passengers seat in the car, leaving ten with the giddiest feeling in his heart. maybe even giddier than the one kun left whenever he laughed at something ten said.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">ten couldn't stop smiling the entire bike ride home that day. his friends were finally going to date! yay! no more disgusting pining for the rest of them to see, but ten was also overjoyed at the fact that lucas was finally getting what he deserved; happiness. for someone who was always smiling at school, most of his inner worries were expressed late at night, on his porch, drinking coke with ten.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">sicheng as well. he was lonely most of the time. he would never admit it, but he missed his parents and sister since they were away more than they were at home. he might have gotten accustomed to being home alone, but it wasn't right.</span>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <span class="s1">sicheng and lucas deserved each other. deserved people who could make them feel comfortable and loved. it may not be happening to ten yet, but he was just glad to be a part of it all.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hello friends! sorry i haven't updated in a while!! school just started a few days ago for me and finding time to write has been quite a challenge </p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. day 36 — 05/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>lucas and ten are at the garden, the rest are catching up on projects. ten suggests the annual valentines event by the student council.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>ten loved afterschool hours. he was free. he had no classes, but he could still stay at school as he didnt need to be at home. today, he was accompanied by lucas as they sat on the grass in the school garden, basking in the afternoon glow of the sunset. it was only 3:40, but the sun was halfway through its journey from up high in the sky to down under the horizon. the rest of the group were catching up on projects, except for yangyang, who had chosen a nice nap over them.</p><p> </p><p>"you meant what you told me yesterday, right?" lucas asked, "that you'd help me?"</p><p> </p><p>"with sicheng? of course," ten replied without a second thought.</p><p> </p><p>"when do i confess?"</p><p> </p><p>ten choked dramatically, "that fast?!"</p><p> </p><p>"it's been two years," lucas whined, shaking his entire body, "i just want him..."</p><p> </p><p>"then valentines," ten suggested, "preorders are this friday, and they're pretty cheap. only 200-ish yen."</p><p> </p><p>"the gift a week ago was expensive enough," lucas grumbled, "can i borrow your money?"</p><p> </p><p>ten rolled his eyes. "you're lucky it's the beginning of the month."</p><p> </p><p>at this rate, ten would get to spend a lot more time woth lucas than he did before. and with that, he was spending less tome with hendery. he felt bad, but the latter was packed with assignments, and he also had xiaojun by his side anyway. when school ended, he could make up for it all.</p><p> </p><p>in the end, lucas agreed to preordering flowers from the school's valentines event. he put it under ten's bill, but his name was written on the card attached to the single rose. sicheng would ultimately find out about his feelings, and the latest it would happen was by valentines, which was in 10 days.</p><p> </p><p>it terrified lucas. it was all happening so quickly. he preferred it to be this way, but was it too fast? what if sicheng got scared away because of this? lucas was ready to accept whatever happened during the next 10 days, he just needed to know sicheng was too.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. day 37 — 06/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>kun and ten watches lucas and sicheng be extra touchy with each other. they mock the two by maintaining skin contact for the rest of the day.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">"it's kind of...cute?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten and kun were holding onto each other, awkwardly peeking through the classroom windows to see what lucas and sicheng were up to in the back. the teacher had given an assignment that was meant to be done in pairs, so the class quickly revealed their great divide, and soon, nobody was paying attention to anything but themselves.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"false. it's disgusting."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">lucas and sicheng sat in the back, as they always do, sicheng had pulled his chair closer to lucas desk and now had his chin resting on top of the palms of his hands, his pose making him look like a flower. lucas' hands weren't on the desk, rather, the left one was around sichengs shoulders as the right one flipped through the pages of their textbook.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun grimaced. "ugh, you're right. in the middle of class, <em>jesus</em>. get a room!"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">lucas seemed to have heard that, because even though the rest of the class paid no mind, lucas turned towards the windows and flicked his middle finger up at the pair.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun and ten both collapsed on the floor laughing. they obstructed the path for some people walking along the hallways, but they didn't really care.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"oh i cant believe he heard us," ten wheezed, "and his best response was to flip us off!"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"you two are insanely embarassing," lucas sighed, stepping out of the classroom, sicheng not far behind him. "if it weren't for the assignment, the entire room would've looked at you!"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"oh, my darling huang xuxi, dong sicheng," kun cooed, still teary eyed. "the things i would give up just to embarrass you two once more."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">with that, kun and ten got up off the floor to wrap their arms around lucas and sicheng. admittedly, there was more difficulty in walking for the 4 of them, but what could they say? this was their form of affection.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">for the rest of the day, kun and ten were all over each other whenever lucas and/or sicheng was around, either holding hands or backhugging one another. they got a ton of weird looks and stares, but none of that mattered. they were having fun teasing sicheng and lucas, and ten was savoring the moment, maybe a little too much.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">by now, it was a miracle the only people who knew about tens crush was lucas, sicheng, and hendery. he lived with the constant worry that he was coming on too strong, or he was being too obvious, but it was either kun knew and was pretending not to know, or he was just oblivious as hell.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">whatever it was, ten liked his situation right now. only a select few knew about his crush and therefore, damage control would be easier for him to carry out, especially if it ever got to xiaojun, who would instantly run his mouth to anyone he saw in front of him.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">so now, at the lobby, sitting cross legged on the floor with kun as their knees touched, tens heart soared. he was nervous, no question, he couldn’t stop thinking about what kun could be thinking, or if kun was uncomfortable with the contact, or if he was uncomfortable with the sudden public affection, but kun never moved away, nor told him off.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><em>comfortable</em>, ten thought.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0038"><h2>38. day 38 — 07/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten discovers that a certain part of his knee feels weird when he walks.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>requested by anon through cc!! not sure if this is what they wanted :&lt; but i hope they like it !!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">ten's not sure how long the pain in his knee had been there. all he knew was that he woke up this morning, and his knee hurt to stand on. his dad had left for work early (not that ten wanted him to take him to the hospital anyway) so his mom ended up taking him to the hospital using a taxi.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">it was a friday, so ten said fuck it, he'd just skip school altogether today, to which his mom surprisingly agreed. she instantly called the school to tell them ten had a medical emergency, and just like that, ten could stay at home for a day. he could text his friends inbetween classes anyway, so a day at home wouldn't hurt.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"do you do any strenuous exercise?" the doctor asked.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten was alone in the room for patient privacy after he got an mri scan of his knee. he thought that term was only for cases that were more private, but this doctor had been kind enough to request for a private session. maybe he could feel that ten wasn't that close to his mom.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">before this, the entire time in the waiting room, ten googled all the possible reasons as to why his knee was hurting so much. some were minor, like knee sprains from jumping and jerking too suddenly, but his blood ran cold when a possibility stated was that he'd torn a ligament. they didn't heal on their own, and he'd need surgery. that was his biggest nightmare come true.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"well i do ride my bike everyday and everywhere," ten said, "and also...i, uh, sneak out most nights?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">the doctor just merely nodded, scribbling something down on the paper in front of him. "according to the mri, none of your ligaments are torn, so we're assuming you've sprained it."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">no tear, thank god. ten felt a wave of relief wash over him. all that panicking in the waiting room was for nothing! he didn't need surgery since there wasn't anything to work on anyway!</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"but here's another concern," he started again, "why do you sneak out?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten looked at the doctor for a while. wasn't that a personal question? why was he asking that?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"i know it may seem like i'm invading your privacy," he explained, "but i need to know, so i can figure out what to tell your guardian that will help you and also keep you comfortable."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">with a heavy sigh, ten spit it out. starting from his father and up until the nightly rendezvous. the entire time, the doctor just nodded along, listening, never intervening. in the end, he came up with a solution that satisfied both parties; ten could still ride his bike as usual, but he'd have to wear a brace to make sure he didn't strain it too much.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">before he left, ten asked, "sorry, but what magic do you have?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">he chuckled. "it's not visible right? that's because i can see auras. as a doctor, that made it easy for me to accommodate my patients with what they need emotionally."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">oh. that's why he requested a private consultation.</p><p class="p2"> </p><hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten was home later that night, phone in his hands as he texted kun about todays events when he suddenly remembered the schools valentines event. preorders were opening today weren't they?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten called lucas. "lucas, did you do it?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">
  <em>"preorders? yeah. they asked me about your order. what do i say?"</em>
</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"tell them i'll figure something out with jeno."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. day 39 — 08/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten visits taeyong, he finally meets mark, his boyfriend. a purchase of a singular clovenlip toadflax arrangement with cotton stalks is made that day.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>gaining the courage to actually ask student council to agree to send his flowers anonymously was hard, especially after he hadn't bought it from them, but instead another florist. ten asked a mutual friend, lee jeno, to pitch in his request, and although they agreed without a second thought, ten couldn't shake the feeling that they'd be talking about it behind closed doors.</p><p>you're not important enough for them to talk about, was the only thing ten could tell himself to make himself feel better.</p><p>ten told jeno he'd get the flowers to him before 4pm today, so before even exchanging more than a "be right back!" with his friends, he sped off on his bike towards taeyongs shop in the city square, just a few blocks away.</p><p>"ah, taeyong," ten panted, bursting through the front door.</p><p>"jesus," taeyong cursed, "ten? are you okay?"</p><p>there was another guy behind the counter, shorter than taeyong with the same lanky build he had. maybe a new employee? ten couldn't care yet. he was exhausted.</p><p>"fine," ten replied, leaning against the counters, "i need the clovenlip toadflax arragement though."</p><p>"right here," taeyong said, instantly producing a small bundle of stalks from a box behind him, "it should be 450 yen but...i'll give it to you for 380."</p><p>after ten gave him the money, taeyong rushed to the back to find a suitable packaging so as to not damage it during tens ride back to school. while taeyong was occupied, the other guy brought ten a glass of water.</p><p>"here," he handed the glass to ten, "you good?"</p><p>"uhuh," ten nodded, "are you...taeyongs boyfriend?"</p><p>he smiled. "i see my reputation precedes me. i'm mark, taeyongs...fiancé actually."</p><p>by god, taeyong didn't mention this to him!</p><p>said man came back not too long after, and mark and ten only got to exchange a couple of words before the arrangement was placed into the box then into his backpack. it was still too tall, and it stuck out of tens bag, but it beat having to carry the flowers in his hands while biking all the way back.</p><p>380 yen. yes they were more expensive than the ones the school offered, yes they took up more work and energy out of ten, but no they did not bother ten at all during his hurried ride back to school. ten began to wonder if his dismissive behaviour with kun would be his ultimate downfall.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. day 40 — 09/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>at their occasional sunday night get together, sicheng confesses to the group that he has a crush and is planning on confessing on friday. lucas is crushed. lucas is also kind of stupid.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">sicheng slapped his cards on the table. "i have a crush."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten snorted his lychee iced tea out so fast he swore it came out of his nose too. "you what?!"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"i have a crush and i'm going to confess to him this friday!" sicheng repeated firmly.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten glanced to look at lucas, who looked just as surprised as he was. the entire table could've been on fire by now, but kun's reaction was the only one that didn't match.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"that's wonderful," he responded, downing a shot of soju. "who is he?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"you'll see on friday."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"is he one of our friends?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"you'll see on friday."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"you got him flowers?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"you'll see on friday."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"can you at least confirm if he's human?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"...you'll see on friday."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">lucas and ten both groaned. kun attempted to groan too, but ten knew he was a terrible liar, and the groan he let out was anything but real. he knew something. that's why he wasn't freaking out as well as he and lucas were. now he would have to deal with a heartbroken and confused lucas and a secretive kun.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">which would explain the mess in the bathroom, half an hour later, where ten and lucas had a heated discussion. "dude, he likes someone! cancel my fucking order!"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten disagreed. "what if it's you?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"to hell with it being me!" lucas whisper-yelled. "if it isn't, i'm losing more than what i gave. i'm losing the entirety of him, ten. i cant risk that!"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten sighed, palms resting on the edge of the sink behind him. "okay. okay. you're right. i'll cancel it."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">that seemed to calm lucas down, but it may have taken him too low, and now he was squatting on the floor, balled up fists against his forehead. "fuck. i'm so stupid."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"don't say that," ten said. "it's not your fault you have feelings."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"no," lucas groaned, "i didn't even consider the fact that he might've liked someone else. all i think about is myself."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten scoffed. "you think? then what were all the other times when you lent me money because my dad cut my monthly allowance off huh? and what were all the other times when yangyang was getting picked on and you stood up for him?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">lucas stayed silent.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"you're the sweetest person i know, xuxi." ten said, sincerity lacing his tone. "none of this is your fault. don't feel bad for it."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">getting lucas up off the bathroom floor and back out to the cafe like nothing happened was one thing, deceiving qian kun was another. like always, tens bike was in the back as kun drove him home, but this time, he couldn't shake the walls of the other.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"fine, if i tell you one thing, will you tell me then?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun pulled over to the side of the road, just a ways from tens apartment building. "fine, deal."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"lucas likes sicheng. now go. were those flowers for lucas?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"...no way."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"no way what? they're not for him?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"no, just, no way!" kun exclaimed, "we could've been working together this whole time!"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"w-working together?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"i'm sichengs goddamn wingman!"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. day 41 — 10/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>lucas cant even look at sicheng in the eye. sicheng is desperate to figure out why lucas is avoiding him like the plague. xiaojun sleeps in history and is given a pillow.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>ten doesn't tell lucas about yesterdays interaction with kun for 2 reasons, the first one being that kun practically begged him not to, and the second one being that he couldn't cancel his order. however, if he had told lucas the truth, then maybe sicheng wouldn't be in such a state of panic and confusion.</p><p> </p><p>"ge," sicheng began when he spotted kun in the hallways. "lucas has been ignoring me. does he know i like him? is he straight?"</p><p> </p><p>kun choked. "lucas? <em>straight?!</em> you're insane. i don't know what's going on, but try talking to him?"</p><p> </p><p>"i did," sicheng whined, "all he said was either 'oh okay' or 'mhm'. somethings up with him!"</p><p> </p><p>kuns brain has never worked that fast in his entire life. "i'll ask ten about it, okay?"</p><p> </p><p>kuns definition of 'asking ten' was basically just pulling him aside during class and reporting on sichengs behavior. they'd gotten themselves into some real shit. sicheng made a mistake when he announced his plan sunday night.</p><p> </p><p>"why did you think it was a good idea?" ten whisper-snapped.</p><p> </p><p>"hello? i'm the dumbest bitch on earth? i didn't even know lucas liked sicheng," kun shot back.</p><p> </p><p>"oh, god i'm losing my mind," ten sighed, "at this rate, they're gonna break up before they even date."</p><p> </p><p>and ten meant that almost literally. before all this, anyone could've assumed lucas and sicheng were already together. they frequently did skinship in public, gave each other gifts, and were attached toeach other as much as a duckling was to it's mother. if ten didn't know any better, he would've assumed the two of them were dating.</p><p> </p><p>but now, lucas was avoiding sicheng like the black plague, leaving sicheng heartbroken and just downright confused. to be fair, so was the rest of their grade. when lucas merely nodded at sicheng when the latter greeted him in the hallways, a boy instantly came up to him and asked if anything was up between them.</p><p> </p><p>sicheng just shrugged. "i don't know. maybe he's got something going on."</p><p> </p><p>meanwhile, a few doors down, xiaojun was fast asleep in history. his soft snores went undetected due to the noise of the video currently playing on the screen. hendery, who sat beside him, had nudged him with his foot countless times to keep him from falling asleep, but forget to do so for merely 5 minutes and xiaojun is fast asleep.</p><p> </p><p>"xiao dejun?" the teacher called out, pausing the video. "is he alright?"</p><p> </p><p>"he's..." hendery trailed off.</p><p> </p><p>"sleeping, i see."</p><p> </p><p>much to henderys, and also the rest of the class' surprise, the usually strict history teacher leaned over her desk to grab a cat plushie.</p><p> </p><p>"this is my sons," she explained, "he put it in my bag this morning and i accidentally took it to work. i hope he doesn't mind dejun using it."</p><p> </p><p>suddenly, hendery was glad xiaojun didn't drool in his sleep.</p><p> </p><p>she gently lifted xiaojuns head off the hard surface of the table and slipped the plushie in between as a cushion. hendery almost passed out. who was this woman? what happened to their old history teacher?</p><p> </p><p>the video resumed as if nothing happened. hendery never focused anyway, but for some reason, he couldn't stop looking at xiaojun, asleep on his desk. something about him looked so...peaceful. like an angel. what a huge contrast with all that was going on with lucas and sicheng.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. day 42 — 11/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>kun cant take lucas and sichengs tension. he drives to ten and ten spills more than just coke.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">something in kun snapped that night. sicheng texted for the hundredth time that night, creating theories as to why lucas was avoiding him, and yet <em>none of them</em> were correct. the truth is right there! how were the both of them this oblivious?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ignoring the message that came in on his phone, kun pocketed the device, put on a hoodie, and grabbed his car keys hanging on the wall on the way out of the house. he couldn't take it anymore. he and ten had to do <em>something</em> soon, or else lucas and sicheng might never be able to go back to the way they were, and the confession may end up disastrous in the end.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">but then again, valentines was less than a week away. what's the worst that could happen?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun even contemplates speeding, but decided against it after recalling the consequences. he reached tens apartment in no time however. he pulled over to the side of the road right at the basement entrance. he dialed tens number.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"come down," kun told him, "we've got a mission."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">tens especially attracted to the idea of a mission. and one with kun and only kun? that was a dream come true. he had never put on his coat so fast and slipped out the front door a little clumsier than before.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">it took ten a while, but the distant call of tens voice saying "be right back, yuta!" prompted kun to sit up straight and turn the car engine back on.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten slipped inside. "what's the occasion?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun lifted up his phone to show the 26 unread messages. "mr dong sicheng. also your friend huang xuxi. we have to do something."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"can we get some coke first? i cant think like this."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun rolled his eyes but smiled anyway. "i hate you."</p><p class="p2"> </p><hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"so let me get this straight-"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"we are gay."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"...so let me get this gay," ten sighed, "you want to speed the confession up?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"yes," kun replied, "if this keeps up, well, we might lose the both of them."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“cmon, we both know that would never happen."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">this was the first time they'd ever pulled anything like this. they bought drinks an snacks from a convenience store. kun drove out to the park and pulled over where the lake met the park. it was a beautiful place, with streetlights illuminating the pavement and occasional bikers passing by. quiet, but also somehow lively.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">they sat on the cargo bed, leaning against the front portion of the truck as they ate sandwiches and drank coke (milk tea in kuns case). tens heart race sped up when their arms touched from how close they were sitting.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“we may lose them, but never completely,” kun finished. he looked at ten. “we’re leaving this place next year. we’ll be busy and we’ll leave the kids here, but they’ll be in myheart for life.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten sighed, closing his eyes with a slight smile pointed up at the sky. “me too.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">it's someone elses issue, sure, but if it's lucas and sicheng, it's as good as their issue too.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. day 43 — 12/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten discovers that kun smokes cigarettes. ten experiences one of his many highschool firsts.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">sometimes ten wondered how kun hadn't gotten sick of him yet. like yeterday, they met up countless times late at night, whether it was at a seven eleven, or kuns house, or the cafe, or even tens apartment lobby. kun stuck around.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">they (or kun, really) weren't allowed to smoke inside, so ten took to kuns truck parked right outside the entrance to the basement. once again, like last night, they sat on the cargo bed, letting the night pass in silence. nakamoto yuta watched in the distance, legs jolting just the tiniest bit whenever a vehicle passed by the two.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"i didn't know you smoke," ten spoke.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"yeah, well, now you do," kun returned, taking another drag of his cigarette.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"can i try?" ten asked.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun hesitated, but handed the item in his hand over. "two fingers. don't breathe in too deep, you'll choke."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten stared at its lit tip for a while, the slowly burning tobacco burning like embers as it emitted a questionable smell. secondhand smoke was never nice to inhale; ten wanted to know if its firsthand relative was.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">at first, the smoke entering his system felt like just air, but within a few seconds after ten inhaled, his lungs closed up and started rejecting the foreign substance. as if he'd choked on something tangible, ten coughed and wheezed, the thick smoke too much for him to handle at first.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"fuck, drink something," kun told him, taking the cigarette and rubbing tens back with his free hand. "maybe that one was too deep, yeah?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten coughed out a laugh, shaking his head. "oh, that wasn't anything like i expected."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun smiled fondly at the other. they were the same age, but ten was younger in most ways, more naïve. it worried kun sometimes, knowing ten was more prone to danger and heartbreak compared to him, as much as ten tried to deny it.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">when tens lungs cleared up and he could breathe normally without coughing anymore, he asked kun, "why are you allowed to take the car this late at night?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">it's a question he's been asked by sicheng when they went out together for drinks, also by lucas when they went for lunch together one winter, and also by yangyang when he was upset one night over an argument with xiaojun. with the others, kun merely replied with a playful "'cause i'm the king of my household.", but that wasn't nearly the gist of it, albeit the truth.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"who's to catch me? my dad doesn't get home until 5 in the morning, and even then he never realizes i'm gone." kun shrugged. "i could get home at...what, 4? 5? maybe even 6. he wouldn't notice shit."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">here ten was, stuck with overbearing parents who couldn't decide whether to neglect ten or to chain him up like a dangerous dog under watch. kun was free, in certain ways, but he wanted some semblance of a family. even if it was with his barely-present father.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"do you love him?" ten asked.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"i've never spent more than an hour with him since my mom died," kun admitted, "so no, i don't think i love him. i don't think i can."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">there's quiet again. the sound of the crickets and the rustling leaves accompany their silent moments. when ten and kun are together, they can be who they truly are, no matter how broken, no matter how much they yearned for something more, no matter how little the really had to talk about. tens comfort zone was kun, and vice versa. there's beauty in that, and that would be more than enough for both kun and ten.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. day 44 — 13/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>lucas receives a few early valentines day gifts. sicheng sulks to kun.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"sicheng's been scowling the entire day," kun pointed out.</p><p> </p><p>even as kun said that, he and hendery watched as another sophomore girl came up to lucas, shyly handing him a white envelope. a love letter, no doubt. kun wouldn't even have to snatch it out of lucas' hands to know it was one.</p><p> </p><p>meanwhile, sicheng stood next to him, face unamused, but really, neither was lucas. he stared at the letter for a while before placing it in his locker, along with the other 6 he got within the first hour of school.</p><p> </p><p>"he's jealous."</p><p> </p><p>"do you honestly think i don't know that hendery?"</p><p> </p><p>"dude, he's like, fucking jealous."</p><p> </p><p>"yes i know, now will you shut your mouth?"</p><p> </p><p>kun dragged the both of them towards sicheng and lucas. "another one?"</p><p> </p><p>"yeah," lucas laughed, shaking his head. "none from the person i like."</p><p> </p><p>sicheng rolled his eyes. lucas didn't notice, neither did hendery, who was busy staring at a girl who just passed. kun gave sicheng a warning glare.</p><p> </p><p>with a sigh, lucas said, "alright, sicheng and i are off to chem. see you at break?"</p><p> </p><p>"got it." kun retured, turning the other way with hendery.</p><p> </p><p>at such a simple interaction, kuns heart pounded in his chest. he was only fast walking with hendery clinging to his side, but he was sweating more than he did when it was time for gym and when he failed a test combined. nevertheless, kun prayed that once the freezing air of bio hit him, the sweat would be gone and his nerves would be calmed.</p><p> </p><p>why the hell was he even nervous? he'd had that interaction with lucas over a billion times in his lifetime, yet today, he was sweating bullets. was it because of whats happening with lucas and sicheng? forgetting homework? a test? maybe his sub-conscious telling him something was wrong with ten? or really, one of his friends? out of all days, he was sweating bullets today. the possibilities were endless-</p><p> </p><p>"dude, fucking jealous."</p><p> </p><p>kun took in a sharp breath of annoyance.</p><p> </p><p>"shut up hendery," he muttered, shaking his head and walking into physics.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. day 45 — 14/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>lucas receives sichengs flowers and vice versa. amends are made in the hallways. kun recieves the clovenlip toadflaxes and is baffled as to why he'd receive them. hendery recieves a mysterious, anonymous rose.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">valentines was a bittersweet thing to ten. every year for the last 3 years, he’d walk the school hallways to find various members of the years student council committee distributing the hundreds of flower orders they’d gotten throughout the week. his shadows stayed at bay, admiring the sight of all those people whose day had been made just by the arrival of a simple gift of nature. and surprisingly enough, the feeling of jealousy never crossed his mind whenever his friends got flowers from their respective secret admirers.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“sweet jesus,” ten said, passing by lucas’ locker, overflowing with letters. “who are you? modern day james dean?”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“shut the fuck up.” lucas shoved him playfully. “help me get these into my gym bag.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“you brought a gym bag?”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“i have pe today,” lucas said.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">he had pe today? shit! ten hadn’t brought anything apart from his bag and laptop. he was going to get absolute berated-</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“and before you freak out because you didn’t bring yours, we are in different grade levels.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">...anyways.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">as the panic inside him subsided, ten smacked lucas on the arm and left him to tend to his overflowing locker. outof the corner of his eye, he saw sicheng right across lucas, at his own locker, eyeing the other with faint disappointment. ten pretended to pay no mind; it'd all get better by the time he got his 'surprise' anyway.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"plan in motion?" kun asked, swiftly joining his side.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"i hope," ten shrugged. "what about the kids?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun grimaced. "calling them kids makes us sound like we're parents. they're, y'know, as usual."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">crowded by girls, yes. the female (and male!) population of hendery and xiaojun's grade level had far more guts compared to their upperclassmen. according to kun, both hendery and xiaojun had received quite a few letters and flowers each, personally given to them in person, within first period. they didn't get nearly as much as sicheng and lucas, or even yangyang did, but it was enough for them to be considered part of the people who got the most attention every valentines.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">wow. being pretty and popular must he <em>exhausting</em>.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"yeah, thank god no one thirsts over me," kun snorted.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten gave him a look. oh how wrong he was. and he'd come to know that when the small bouquet of purple flowers were handed to him right before lunch began.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"w- huh?" kun said. "for me?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"unless you're not qian kun, yes. student council president would rather drink pickle juice than make a mistake," a committee member said before walking away.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"weyhey." ten wiggle his eyebrows, nudging kun. "looks like you're on your way to being popular as well."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun rolled his eyes. "shut up dude."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun wasn't the type to outwardly show that he cared, but ten could see it in the way he gave up his entire water bottle for the day just to hydrate those flowers. also in the way kun stroked its petals as if it were a little puppy. also in the way kun held it in his hands like it was fine china as he walked towards his car when school ended.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun cared. he just showed it differently.</p><p class="p2"> </p><hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"this is...from you?" lucas asked.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"this one was you too?" sicheng returned.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"well i wouldn't say it was me. i had ten order for me."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"i had kun order for me!"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">the two of them bursted out laughing, harder than they ever had in the past week. if lucas were to be bluntly honest, spending those 4 days without sicheng could've driven him to insanity if it went on for even another second. to have his best friend, his world, back by his side was more refreshing than any breeze could ever be to him.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"come here," lucas gestured, "you're a fucking dork, you know that?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">sicheng punched lucas' arm before launching himself right into them. strong arms wrapped around sicheng, but they felt more like a blanket, keeping him safe against the harsh outside. lucas felt like home.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"does this mean we're dating now?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"um, duh? this is literally me confessing my undying love for you."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"dork," lucas snorted once again.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">they stayed like that for a while, basking in the feeling of being in love and having your feelings returned, but also the warmth of the afternoon sunlight. they must've spent a few minutes at most in each others arms, but it felt so much longer. like years. like maybe somehow their souls had known each other for eternity and only now did they have the chance to feel each others' embrace.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">when they pulled away from each other, lucas held sicheng, looking into his eyes. "i'm sorry, for avoiding you, that is. i should've talked to you."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"you should have," sicheng agreed. "but the real bitches here are kun and ten. how could they not have told us?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">and in that moment, lucas' mind went blank, realizing that sicheng was, in fact, correct. goddamn kun and ten! they had the key all this time, but they just decided to pick the lock instead of using that key!</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"i'm gonna murder them."</p><p class="p2"> </p><hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">sicheng could’ve yelled, but really, he didn’t. despite having an entire five days of emotional turmoil, he couldn’t find it in him to get mad at kun.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“you knew this whole time and you didn’t say shit?!”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“listen,” kun stressed, “literally nothing i’m gonna say is enough to justify kun and i’s actions, but trust me when i say that by confessing 2 days early, you guys could break up 2 years early too.”</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">lucas exaggerated a gasp and slapped his hand over his heart. "how...how <em>dare</em> you qian kun! how dare you curse me and the love of my life that way!"</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">"the love of your <em>life</em>?"</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">"i'm-i'm the love of your life?"</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">"yes but you missed the point."</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">"he's right," ten chimed in. "a-about the...2 years early thing."</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">"5 days of sulking," sicheng huffed in annoyance, arms crossed.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">kun opened his mouth to say something, but he was cut off by the violent swing of the locker room door. it hit the wall nearly hard enough to punch a hole in the concrete, and behind it stood a crazed xiaojun.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">"h-hendery got a flower! a fucking flower!"</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">"shut the fuck up! xiaojun!" they heard hendery's voice echo in the hallway behind xiaojun.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">"he gets like, 6 every year junnie," ten said.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">"no, you don't understand." xiaojun deepened his voice. "this one...is <em>anonymous</em>."</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">lucas screamed, standing up. "oh a secret admirer! hendery! you're so lucky!"</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">when hendery got to the locker room, the group sat on two benches placed in the middle of the room lined with lockers. they faced each other, kun and ten next to each other, thighs just barely grazing each other. ten considered inching closer towards kun, but ultimately decided against it.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">"any suggestions?" hendery asked the rest, eyes tired, as if he'd been forced into doing this.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">"isn't there that guy? ah...what's his name...it's one syllable?" xiaojun asked.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">"ah, lee chan..." hendery mused. "no way. too snappy. if anything, i think he hates me."</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">ten looked away from the commotion in front of him to turn to the doorway. it was after school hours, but there were still a few students roaming the hallways. he sat on the end closest to the door, so his view wasn't obstructed by anyone. just as he was about to turn back to his friends, a certain person passed, glancing just the slightest bit into the locker room before turning back with just barely a hint of a smile. lee chan. he's seen that his anonymous rose (if it even was from him after all), has made quite the impact on not only hendery, but his entire group of friends too.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">before disappearing behind the wall, ten caught his gaze, and they made eye contact for a while. there was a glint in his eye that made ten more curious than a cat with something sparkly dangling from a stick. nevertheless, the wall got in between of their brief interaction, and ten averted his attention back to the group. but, no matter how interesting or funny the conversation at hand was, ten could never seem to get lee chan and their 3 second interaction out of his head.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. day 46 — 15/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ot7 are at xiaojuns house. xiaojun locks lucas and sicheng in a room, kun begins growing clovenlip toadflaxes, and also, they find out about yangyangs confessions yesterday. xiaojun and hendery mock yangyangs attempts to be nice.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">"alright guys," yangyang clasped his hands together, "liu story time."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">sicheng groaned loudly. "it's liu story time <em>every minute</em>."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"that's because you decided to graduate and leave me in fucking middle school."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"what we're we supposed to do? fail?" lucas asked.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">the next thing ten knew, yangyang, with all the power his 13 year old body could muster, was dragging lucas and sicheng by the ears into the guest room. he locked the two in there, unlocking it just to slip their phones in. the remaining 4 sat in the living room, on the floor by the fireplace. yangyang sat between them all. the water current halo around his head swirled, and though they were moving as they always have, they seemed as if they were giggling mischievously after what yangyang had just done.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"anyways, as i was saying, yesterdays events? insane."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"yeah? how so?" xiaojun asked.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">yangyang pointed to the basket full of letters by the staircase nearby. "that."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun whistled. "damn. what happened to you since we left?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"maybe you guys were the reason i wasn't as popular back then."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun threw an empty plastic bottle of coke at yangyang. "don't push it kid. remember what xiaojun and hendery did for you."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">yangyang made eye contact with xiaojun, as if he was asking for back up, but ten just returned his pleading look with a raise of his eyebrows. yangyang then tried hendery, who just raised his hands up in denial.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">there was only one person left that ten hadn't taken a moment to observe yet. qian kun. from a distance, you wouldn't notice anything significant, just a boy with pretty brown hair and flowers woven in between them, but there was one flower in particular that held some significance to ten. tall, slim, and purple; ten nearly passed out when he saw it near kuns right temple.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">he had grown the flowers ten (anonymously) gave him yesterday!</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"i- anyways..." hendery interjected, "i heard about you and your 3 confessions yesterday."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">yangyangs eyes went wide. "you...what?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"oh i'm sorry," xiaojun mocked in a high pitched voice. "i like someone else, but i appreciate this!"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"that's very sweet," hendery joined in, "i'm not interested in highschool relationships though, i'm sorry."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">yangyang collapsed onto the floor with a thud. "mommy, please, save me."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"alright," kun laughed, ruffling xiaojun and henderys heads. "no more bullying yangyang. we've got a bigger problem."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"a bigger problem?" ten asked.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun nodded. "yangyang, what was the room you locked lucas and sicheng in?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"the- oh shit."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">the five of them turned their heads to the room in unison. it was quiet, too quiet for a pairing like those two, especially considering the fact that they just officially got together yesterday. yangyang scrambled to his feet, unlocking the door and bursting into the room.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">yangyang screamed, "for the love of god don't tell me you're fucking on my-"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">sicheng and lucas just looked up at him, phones in their hands, landscape. they had been playing a game, and silent lucas and sicheng were focused lucas and sicheng. there was no fucking, but there was a rare sight to see.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"okay," yangyang nodded. "okay. good. no fucking. not on my guest bedrooms bed. okay. just- just come out when you're done."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">yangyang shut the door, leaving lucas and sicheng more dumbfounded than they'd ever been in their lives.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"no fucking?" kun asked when yangyang cane back to the group</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"no fucking, just games."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"did you bother checking <em>what</em> game it was?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“…oh for fucks sake.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. day 47 — 16/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>kun and ten are on a convenience store date. there's ramen and a bottle of ramune to be shared.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">it’s another one of those nights. home was suffocating, so ten slipped away to breathe in some fresh air, which just so happened to be qian kun.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">logically, as an 18 year old, the colourful bottles of flavoured sparkling water in the convenience store chiller shouldn’t be catching his eye as much as it was right now, but he came out for a fresh breath of air, to let loose.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“they're enticing you aren't they?” kun snorted.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"shut up," ten punched his arm. "also, enticing? who are you? modern day shakespeare?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"i'm practicing for our college essays next year," kun said, "if i sound pretentious, they'd be a fool to turn me away."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"oh god," ten sighed, "from now on, we don't know each other."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"not even when i buy you that bottle of ramune?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">a beat of silence passed as ten eyed kun, not sure of what to feel. the next thing ten knew, he was on an uncomfortable stool on the bar table lining the far front wall of the store. two cups of steaming ramen, one in front of kun and the other in front of ten. the spicy chili fumes tickled his nose, but ten loved the scent anyway.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun picked up the bottle of ramune he bought ten just minutes ago. "pineapple, superior taste. cute bottle design. wanna open it?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"duh," ten said, taking the bottle back. "ive heard that you use this top thingy to push the marble in."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"ah, that's cool."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten tried using the little plastic tool and pushed down on the mouth of the bottle with his arms. nothing happened. he pushed a little more. still nothing.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"are you good?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"what the fuck kind of bottle design?" ten said, "this was made for kids."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"can't imagine a kid could do what you cant," kun mumbled, slurping his noodles.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten attempted to push the marble down for the next 5 minutes to no avail. by the time he sat back in his chair with a defeated look, his palms had the faint red outline of the shape of the plastic tool, accompanied by a thin layer of swear on his forehead.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"c'mere," kun gestured, grabbing the glass bottle. "i'll try."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">and with a little push, the marble clinked against the bottle, finally dropping into the soda. bubbles of carbonation formed on its surface, making the glass bead seem like the nucleus on an atom, and the bubbles the electrons.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"here kiddo," kun said, ruffling tens hair.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"i'm only a month younger than you," ten huffed.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">he took a sip of the yellow coloured drink, letting the cool liquid prick his tongue before sliding down his throat. it tasted of youth, as if it brought ten back to when he was way younger, without the burden he had on him right now. it was just like the fabled fountain of youth. he'd love a lifetime supply of ramune.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"satisfied?" kun asked.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten nodded, smiling to himself. when ten turned to look at kun, he went back dropping his chopsticks into the cup to fish out the noodles. ten paused for a moment, watching the way the purple flowers on kuns head hugged the strands of his hair as if they were two puzzle pieces. he looked down at himself, only to notice his shadows just faintly there. he could smile without worry, smile like he meant it.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"i know we're the same age, but i think of you as like, a younger brother."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">i'm sorry, what?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">did ten just get bro-zoned?</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"l-little brother?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"mhm," kun hummed, "like...my little stupid kouhai."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten kicked kun. "shut up weeb."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"bold coming from the guy who cried over koro sensei dying 7 times."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"shut up!" ten whined, "he didn't deserve any of that man. humans suck."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">anime banter ensued. although it has become rare recently, nights like these were normal for kun and ten; bantering over everything and nothing in their individual pursuits of happiness. these nightly rendezvous were, to ten, an opportunity to escape his home and hang out with somebody who made butterflies erupt in his stomach. to kun, this was no more than an act to fill up the boredom in his life. although, try as he might, the odd feelings that crept into him whenever he was with ten was undeniable.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. day 48 — 17/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>hendery is slipping back into his emo phase, xiaojun attempts to save him by blasting justin bieber every break time.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">kun shouldve known. unofficially adopting 5 kids would be hell.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">xiaojun ran down the hall, shoes screeching against the floor as the students jolted away upon the sight of him running as if a ghost was chasing him. xiaojun clung onto nothing but his dignity as he zipped past hundreds or students, and even teachers, to get to kun.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"kun!" he screamed when he spotted kun down the hall.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">heads turned, then not even a second later, bodies moved, when the human bullet made its way down the hall. even kun considered moving to the side so he wouldn't get propelled into the wall behind him, but xiaojun managed to skid to a stop just before making a collision.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"kun," xiaojun panted, out of breath. "i know it's first period and i'm sickeningly annoying but hendery has not been able to stop listening to bring me the horizon and quoting all their lyrics."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"...thats what you came here to tell me?!"</p><p class="p2"> </p><hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">once again, hendery has fallen into his emo phase. not that it ever ended, really, but it's just back in full swing after almost a year long break. this time, xiaojun attempted to dissipate it by not-so-subtly nudging some justin bieber whenever hendery was about to start going into a trance.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"jesus christ, look at those two," lucas sighed.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"freshman," sicheng shook his head. "always weird. they'll grow out of it by next year."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">one less lonely girl starts to play out of xiaojuns phone. he nudged hendery to begin their dance routine, but hendery dances half heartedly.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"i cant believe we're friends with them," ten mumbled, encasing himself in his shadows.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"nice stealth mode," kun said, to which ten punched him.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">by the time the song ended, hendery was back to his earphones, standing next to xiaojun, who was packig his books into his bag, in a trance. sicheng and lucas instantly turned away, leaving xiaojun to deal with hendery himself. kun and ten did the same, using a project as an excuse.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">5 kilometers away, yangyang left geography, a sudden thought in his mind; xiaojun and hendery being weird in school.he doesn't know what they were specifically doing, but he just knew they were making heads turn wherever they went, not in a good way.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">yangyang clicked his tongue. "idiots."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. day 49 — 18/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>ten and kun are reminiscing their freshman year days and ten doesnt seem to recall kun ever getting mad at him.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">"remember that musical production two years ago?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"how could i forget, stupid? we just had another one this year."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">cargo bed. 2:43 in the morning. kun and ten laid down in kuns truck, back towards the surface, and front towards the sky. it started off as a simple stargazing that turned into a throwback session.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"we were so young," kun said, "made so many mistakes."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"we? you mean me? all you did was get mad at me. i think that was the worst stage of our friendship."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"yeah, i didn't know it hurt you that bad. i'm sorry."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"did you mean it though?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"mean what?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"like...we're you really mad?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun looked up at the sky, at how the stars seemed to shine like diamonds in the rough. he looked at ten, by his side, and noticed how his shadows resembled the night sky, while he himself was the star.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"no." kun spoke. "you could fuck up over and over again, and i could never get mad."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">it was quiet for a while, and anxiety quickly stepped in when kun began overthinking, wondering if he'd accidentally crossed a boundary and said something wrong or something too strong. ten, on the other hand, didn't seem to think so. kun had a sweet side behind all the moral and ethical anchor role he played. he didn't expect that.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"or maybe you just love me too much."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">kun breathed in. "maybe i do. who knows?"</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">and ten thought, maybe was enough. it wasn't a yes, but a maybe, and that was enough to him. he turned to look at kun this time, beautiful kun with beautiful flowers in his hair and a beautiful nose and beautiful lips. ten could've kissed him underneath the moonlight, lighting a million sparks all at once, but he decided against it. not now. not until he has a solid answer regarding his feelings towards kun.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">"thank you for loving me then."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. day 50 — 19/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>yangyang is in real trouble this time; he might be suspended for a week after all the pranks he's being suspected of pulling. the rest create the ultimate prank to save yangyangs life.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">yangyang should’ve known from the way the crows circled overhead that today was going to be <em>different</em>. kun loved using that word in a positive light, demonstrating how change could be good for their lives, but no, this time, it was <em>different</em>. a bad kind of different. a bad omen.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">during the 5 minute window between homeroom and first period, yangyang was pulled aside by a friend, park jisung, rather roughly, into a supply closet.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“shit! jisung, what the fu-“</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">jisung violently shushed him. “shut the fuck up yang. you know how we set off firecrackers in the music room after school a week ago?”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">yangyang nodded.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“they asked jaemin about it,” jisung hissed, “he didn’t give us up, but they’re coming for the both of us next.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“not funny,” yangyang grumbled, pushing jisung as much as he could in the tight, dark space. “how’d they figure it out?”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">jisung shrugged. “no clue. i don’t wanna know either. but here’s the big deal.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“what?”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“they threatened to expel jaemin. i expect they’ll do the same to us.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“baseless accusations.” yangyang shook his head.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">sure enough, by the time 3rd period rolled in, the intercom requested that yangyang see himself to the principals office. needless to say, his heart dropped, but not because of the announcement. more towards the fact that if he had been called at 3rd period, it means they’d talked to jisung already, and jisung was his little groups weak link.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">lightheaded, yangyang got out of his seat, ignoring the 21 pairs of eyes fixed on him as he left the classroom. every step he took felt as if he were walking on needles, and the knock on the door to the office was like a punch to a punch. he wished he’d passed out in the middle of the hall, just to avoid this confrontation, but he stepped into the carpeted office anyway.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“liu yangyang, sit,” the principal said.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><em>busted</em>, they both thought simultaneously.</p><p class="p2"> </p><hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">frantic footsteps paced back and forth in the bathroom. his face glistened, more out of fear than actual sweat. as a thrillseeker, this shouldn’t be affecting yangyang as much, but with his entire education on the line, that was something he couldn’t afford to lose. especially knowing what his parents are like.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">yangyang ended up dialing henderys number. he was the closest in age. he’d understand right? yangyang just didn’t want to call kun, afraid that instead of protecting him, he’d turn his back on him and make him confess.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">unfortunately, after the 3rd or 4th ring, the call wasn’t answered. leaving him to proceed to the next option; ten. unfortunately, ten was in english, and his phone was charging in his locker, so the second call was fruitless. yangyang got through his entire friend group before pausing on the last one, kun. his heart raced in his chest at the mere sight of the contact name.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">if yangyang knew any better, he’d be perfectly fine with kun, knowing that no matter how much kun could disagree, he would never turn his back on him. but emotions and fears cloud your mind and get the best of you in these situations.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">yangyang dialed the number anyway. “cmon…pick up…”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">it certainly took a while, though it did feel like a century to yangyang, but eventually, the older picked up. “<em>yangyang? what’s wrong?</em>”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“ge? i need to be quick,” yangyang said. “i’m being suspected for pranks and there’s vandalism and destruction of property involved. long story short, they’re gonna expel me unless i can figure out a way to shift the attention away from me.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“<em>what do you have in mind?</em>”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“well, you see, you guys are alumni. in some ways, you’re off the grid.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“<em>what time? what do you want us to do?</em>”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“afterschool. egg the office windows. they’re gonna have me, jisung, and jaemin in there altogether, so it would’ve been impossible for one of us to have done it.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“<em>got it. anything else?</em>”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“if you have a couple tricks up your sleeve, use them. this has got to be foolproof, so no uniforms.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“<em>aye aye captain. see you at 3</em>.” and yangyang could almost hear the smile in his voice.the next few hours towards the end of the school day was pure torture. the usually carefree yangyang turned paranoid used to be greeted in the hallways with either “hi”s or compliments, but now were just “are you okay?”s. it was, to say the least, irritating. he loved the attention his peers gave him, just not right now.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“hit us liu,” jisung spoke, sliding a book into his locker.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“i’ve got some guys coming to make a diversion, no clue what they’ve got planned, but they’re good.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“guaranteed?” jaemin asked.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“totally.” yangyang nodded. “we just have to sit back and relax.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><hr/><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">they really did sit back and relax.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">while the principal threw every ounce of manipulation he had in what little years he had left of life, ten was sneaking right under his window, wondering why this was the greatest prank he’d ever pull in his entire life and why it was for a 13 year old to wiggle himself out of trouble.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“because we love yangyang, that’s why,” lucas said.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">he had said that out loud.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">in this plan, lucas and ten were their runners. lucas the wind was his element, and he ran like it carried him. ten because, well, he was the fastest in their group for 4 consecutive years. they’d grab a string of firecrackers and throw them around school grounds, meanwhile, kun has the getaway car with sicheng in the back for medical emergencies and mobile support. xiaojun and hendery decided to sit this one out since too many people would just drive the operation awry, but they were waiting at lucas’ house with moral support.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“sure this’ll work?” lucas asked, holding the fire crackers up.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten snorted. “cmon, you’ve got me.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">ten looked around. thick trees, actual soil, this was what their middle school called their school yard, and frankly, that was what ten loved most about this place.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“let’s blow this place to hell.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. not day 51 - 20/02</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>user dvwn leaves a part of herself with this final chapter. do with it as you will.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>hi! so i'm sure you guys noticed that the previous chapter ended on a pretty awkward line. no further mention of the outcome of the prank was revealed but now, i'd like to say that it was a success!</p><p> </p><p>i haven't been writing this au as much as i initially did. i haven't been writing at all lately, so here's a final word from me that this is officially where the written part of this fic ends :[ its been a great 50 chapters and it was wonderful seeing all your comments and reactions :D. i've planned this au up to 08/06 so i'll attach the list of unwritten prompts below to fulfil your curiosity.</p><p> </p>
<ul>
<li class="p1">20/02 — ten gets stereotyped due to his dark magic. sicheng steps in and shows how beautiful the darkness can be.</li>
<li class="p1">21/02 — a freshman, huang renjun, picks on yangyang. yangyang retaliates by buying him noodles.</li>
<li class="p1">22/02 — lucas and sicheng are baking at sichengs house. kun stops by to pick up his hoodie but finds that baking wasn't the only activity on their agenda.</li>
<li class="p1">23/02 — xiaojun has a s'more addiction, and yangyang has a pretty dedicated secret admirer. kun freaks out a little bit.</li>
<li class="p1">24/02 — yangyang has now befriended his secret admirer; zhong chenle. kun is just worried.</li>
<li class="p1">25/02 — ten spends time at the convenience store once again. the cashier, moon taeil, a man of the stars, has seemingly taken ten under his wing.</li>
<li class="p1">26/02 — yangyang wants to assemble his ikea chair from over a month ago. xiaojun hurts a finger and hendery is close to death by drowning.</li>
<li class="p1">27/02 — it's tens birthday today. the group goes out and celebrates at xiaojuns house.</li>
<li class="p1">28/02 — lucas just got a new puppy over the weekend. it's a friday, but the group decides the puppy is more important than their homework.</li>
<li class="p1">01/03 — on the way home from hanging out at the shopping mall, ten notices taeyongs shop has closed. does that mean he's never going to see taeyong again?</li>
<li class="p1">02/03 — ten buys kun drinks once again, but this time, kun lays his head on tens shoulder like he did in the bus back in january.</li>
<li class="p1">03/03 — an episode of black mirror seems to have xiaojun in a trance. the group watches the episode, skipping a school assembly session. (one million merits)</li>
<li class="p1">04/03 — yangyang announces that he's hanging out with chenle that weekend. kun shuts his eyes.</li>
<li class="p1">05/03 — lucas dyes his hair lilac. ten joins in and dyes it blonde. kun is going to pass out.</li>
<li class="p1">06/03 — xiaojun and lucas take their dogs on a walk. they spot kun and ten in tens apartment lobby.</li>
<li class="p1">07/03 — xiaojun and lucas question ten about yesterday. honestly? its just a regular thing they do. also, ten and lucas are called into the principals office due to their hair colour.</li>
<li class="p1">08/03 — kun and ten engage in an alternative universe where they are secret agents, sent to tail liu yangyang and zhong chenle. strangers in the mall give them weird looks.</li>
<li class="p1">09/03 — ten sees that taeyongs shop is back open.</li>
<li class="p1">10/03 — sicheng finds his new talent; volleyball.</li>
<li class="p1">11/03 — ten waits for kun to get out of history. when the class gets up to leave, ten realizes that this is not kuns current class.</li>
<li class="p1">12/03 — lucas and sicheng are getting frozen yogurt at the mall. the two girls in front of them share an opinion against lucas and sichengs identity.</li>
<li class="p1">13/03 — on the way home from school, yangyang falls asleep and misses his stop. he nearly has a breakdown out of fear and calls kun for help. (yangyang backstory)</li>
<li class="p1">14/03 — xiaojun obtains a pride flag outside the school.</li>
<li class="p1">15/03 — xiaojun accidentally orders braised escolar and not unadon. kun and ten buys him a slice of green tea cake at the cafe later.</li>
<li class="p1">16/03 — xiaojun and hendery are skipping stones. a special moment of friendship is shared here.</li>
<li class="p1">17/03 — there’s a school sports event, and the group just doesn’t feel like joining in. they hide out in their math class. xiaojun on the guitar as they sing songs.</li>
<li class="p1">18/03 — it’s heavily raining afterschool. kun offers ten a ride home.</li>
<li class="p1">19/03 — ten cant wait to get out of school. the first thing he does when the bell rings is round up the group and rush to yangyangs school to pick him up.</li>
<li class="p1">20/03 — higan. technically the last day of school, but they havent gotten their report cards yet. kun and ten visit a nearby pet shop.</li>
<li class="p1">21/03 — its the last day of school. ten doesnt feel like going home with his report card. the darkness grows so huge this time it engulfs tens entire body.</li>
<li class="p1">22/03 — kun notices ten isn’t how he always is in a group call. another late night coke and coffee date ensues, this time, topped off with a kiss on the cheek.</li>
<li class="p1">23/03 — the group are all gathered at xiaojuns house. hendery hogs zhupi, kun orders pizza, and ten battles sicheng for the last slice.</li>
<li class="p1">24/03 — ten visits his grandparents and isn’t able to hang out with the group. he thinks of kun the whole car ride, and it just makes him kind of sad. (grandma realizes!)</li>
<li class="p1">25/03 — ten spends a day with kun. ten drops a few hints along the way, but kun doesnt seem to notice.</li>
<li class="p1">26/03 — sicheng light is dying out. he loves lucas, but he’s horrible at showing it. does that mean he doesn’t really love him?</li>
<li class="p1">27/03 — kun and ten are driving around at night when the car runs out of gas. ten is speechless. kun is tired.</li>
<li class="p1">28/03 — ten wakes up and makes himself waffles for breakfast. he texts kun while he’s at it, and somehow the waffles are sweeter and softer than ever.</li>
<li class="p1">29/03 — tens magic goes out of control. only sicheng can help him.</li>
<li class="p1">30/03 — kun is shaken up one night, but he doesnt go to ten. he goes to hendery.</li>
<li class="p1">31/03 — sicheng and lucas went to see a movie, but its raining by the time they finish. neither of them has a car, so they end up sharing a moment in the rain.</li>
<li class="p1">01/04 — xiaojun attempts to prank yangyang by sending lucas and a water sprayer to his door. what xiaojun didn’t predict was his little sister being the one to open the door, and yangyang being a human water sprinkler.</li>
<li class="p1">02/04 — the group schedules a sleepover at sichengs house. ten cant sleep, so he wanders off to a convenience store.</li>
<li class="p1">03/04 — ten visits taeyong in his shop, and this time mark is there. (mark talks to animals)</li>
<li class="p1">04/04 — the cherry blossoms are beginning to bloom. ten takes this as a chance to treat himself to some xiao long bao.</li>
<li class="p1">05/04 — ten opens a bank account. hendery accompanies him so as to calm his nerves.</li>
<li class="p1">06/04 — kun and ten go out for ice cream. cherry blossoms fall on kuns hair and ten nearly passes out right then and there.</li>
<li class="p1">07/04 — ten and xiaojun are at xiaojuns house for a haikyuu marathon. what ended up happening was hendery and yangyang crashing, making it a haikyuu pizza party.</li>
<li class="p1">08/04 — kun wants to make a pillow fort. ten, sicheng, and lucas are all happy to help.</li>
<li class="p1">09/04 — sleepless nights with ten. he looks out of his balcony and stares longingly at the mountains.</li>
<li class="p1">10/04 — hiking trip. yangyang is hesitant at first, but after seeing hendery jump in excitement, he tags along, clinging onto kun the whole time.</li>
<li class="p1">11/04 — “do you see me as a father figure, yangyang?” “what? no. if anything i see you as more of a bother figure.”</li>
<li class="p1">12/04 — ten holds kuns hand for the first time ever. (theyre like petals)</li>
<li class="p1">13/04 — one final hang out before spring break is over. they drive on the highway in kuns pickup truck, feeling like they could conquer the world.</li>
<li class="p1">14/04 — first day back at school. kuns just happy to have yangyang there, but he’s in for a surprise when a zhong chenle makes an appearance. (chenle specializes in flowers)</li>
<li class="p1">15/04 — kun and chenle end up next to each other during a herbology class. kun learns that chenle may not be as bad as kun thinks.</li>
<li class="p1">16/04 — ten bakes cookies with his mom. kun wants some.</li>
<li class="p1">17/04 — kun and ten pair up for a chem lab. ten is fascinated by the simple concept of boiling.</li>
<li class="p1">18/04 — taeil deals with some customers who are trying to manipulate their way into getting free products. ten steps in to defend taeil.</li>
<li class="p1">19/04 — xiaojuns mom finds the flag in his wardrobe. the group gathers to console xiaojun and the flag is given to sicheng.</li>
<li class="p1">20/04 — kun discovers that he likes cooking his own lunch. but more importantly, cooking for ten.</li>
<li class="p1">21/04 — first day of the new school year. henderys fire turns blue. the group tries to figure out what's happening. (he has a crush on a guy named lee chan)</li>
<li class="p1">22/04 — yangyang and chenle start dating. henderys fire turns back to normal. kun hides his wilting leaves under a cap.</li>
<li class="p1">23/04 — the group encourages hendery to make a move on chan.</li>
<li class="p1">24/04 — ten meets a boy named kwon hoshi. this could very well be his opportunity to get over kun.</li>
<li class="p1">25/04 — lucas' puppy goes missing. it's only been two months. sicheng comforts him.</li>
<li class="p1">26/04 — kun spots ten and hoshi together. he doesn't know who to ask about it, until yangyang mentions chenles name once again.</li>
<li class="p1">27/04 — there are deep scratches on kuns arm. some of the leaves in his hair seem to have dried a little. ten pretends not to notice. hendery is the one by his side this time.</li>
<li class="p1">28/04 — ten buys hoshi drinks. the clover begins to wilt and kun cries in the bathroom but he cant seem to figure out why.</li>
<li class="p1">29/04 — xiaojun is being seduced. by who? one named jeon wonwoo. unfortunately for him, xiaojun is a raging aroace.</li>
<li class="p1">30/04 — sicheng's falling apart. he loves lucas so much he doesn't want to hide it from his parents anymore, but he cant have both.</li>
<li class="p1">01/05 — its been a week. ten and hoshi are extremely close. ten thinks they may be moving too fast.</li>
<li class="p1">02/05 — hoshi walks ten home, as hendery walks kun home.</li>
<li class="p1">03/05 — a coffee shop with an owner too passionate for his own good. ten thinks of kun before he thinks of hoshi. (barista seungkwan, tired coworker joshua)</li>
<li class="p1">04/05 — kun and ten meet up at the coffee shop. seungkwan’s a bit too loud. joshua almost kills a man.</li>
<li class="p1">05/05 — hoshi catches ten staring at kun. an honest moment is shared between them.</li>
<li class="p1">06/05 — ten questions his feelings for kun.</li>
<li class="p1">07/05 — yangyang's already wreaking havoc in his 2nd week of highschool. kun looks away from responsibility and helps clean his mess up.</li>
<li class="p1">08/05 — kun and yangyang are in detention together. somehow, by throwing erasers at each other, they are still able to make it fun.</li>
<li class="p1">09/05 — ten gives yangyang his first taste of strawberry ramune. ten has now obtained a 5 year old child.</li>
<li class="p1">10/05 — sicheng looks at a polaroid of him and lucas. nothing ever goes well in his life.</li>
<li class="p1">11/05 — sicheng and lucas go on a date. neon lights and sushi are just enough to make sicheng happier than he could ever be.</li>
<li class="p1">12/05 — yangyang discovers a game called player unknowns battlegrounds. an addiction ensues. jeon wonwoo corners him too.</li>
<li class="p1">13/05 — hendery ends up dating chan. xiaojun isn't so sure about his feelings for hendery.</li>
<li class="p1">14/05 — xiaojuns up all night, thinking of chan and hendery. suddenly, something in him snaps, and he visits ten in the middle of the night.</li>
<li class="p1">15/05 — xiaojun and hendery argue about his relationship. yangyang talks to both sides.</li>
<li class="p1">16/05 — kun, ten, sicheng, and lucas meet up at the cafe. they plot a way to subtly get xiaojun and hendery to talk to each other.</li>
<li class="p1">17/05 — the group gets locked in a department store while on a sleepover at kuns house. xiaojun and hendery make up on a beanbag on a shelf behind a wall of toilet paper. xiaojun realizes that just because hendery's in a relationship, their own relationship wouldn't be pushed aside.</li>
<li class="p1">18/05 — kun, ten, sicheng, and lucas meet up at the cafe. the kids are no longer in shambles. they celebrate with a few rounds of dutch cup and some chamomile tea.</li>
<li class="p1">19/05 — hendery cant stop speaking like he’s in a shakespeare play. xiaojun counters the embarrassment by harnessing a tiny earthquake everytime hendery opens his mouth. it still backfires.</li>
<li class="p1">20/05 — lucas and sicheng have their first fight. this time, its up to kun, ten, and the kids to help them reconcile</li>
<li class="p1">20/05 — lucas and sicheng are giving each other the cold shoulder. kun and ten make promises to each other.</li>
<li class="p1">21/05 — xiaojun and hendery attempt to get sicheng and/or lucas to open up. sicheng buries himself deeper but lucas comes up to the surface.</li>
<li class="p1">22/05 — lucas comes to ten crying. he misses sicheng but his messages wont even go through. lucas drinks heavily for the first time in his life.</li>
<li class="p1">23/05 — lucas comes back for more soju. ten can only hold him in his arms and prevent lucas from getting wasted again. mistakes are made. (lucas tries to kiss ten)</li>
<li class="p1">24/05 — ten confides in hendery about what happened last night. hendery reassures him it was the alcohol. the secret is carried away by the wind.</li>
<li class="p1">25/05 — lucas and sicheng are still ignoring each other, but are visibly trying to get each others attention. the whole school wonders what happened to their it couple.</li>
<li class="p1">26/05 — sicheng shows up to school and throws his arms around lucas. they reconcile at lucas' house afterschool. lucas' mom teases him a little.</li>
<li class="p1">27/05 — ten and kun have a discussion about college. kun's going to beijing. ten's going to singapore.</li>
<li class="p1">28/05 — tens letter to kun.</li>
<li class="p1">29/05 — tens father has an episode. he runs away in front of their eyes for the first time. ten does not go to kun.</li>
<li class="p1">30/05 — tens shadows are just almost out of control. sicheng stays by his side.</li>
<li class="p1">01/06 — ten is diagnosed with adhd</li>
<li class="p1">02/06 — ten distances himself from kun. they dont talk at all for the first time in a long time.</li>
<li class="p1">03/06 — ten and hendery are at the convenience store. hendery asks him about kun.</li>
<li class="p1">04/06 — ten hates himself. (adhd, voice control, emotions, memory loss, loving kun, dependence on others)</li>
<li class="p1">05/06 — xiaojuns mom wants him to deliver cookies to hendery. the two end up binge eating cookies as they play pubg (courtesy of yangyang and his new gaming buddy).</li>
<li class="p1">06/06 — kun goes to visit yangyang, what he gets is poison for words and a door to the face.</li>
<li class="p1">07/06 — yangyang had always been the perfect kid, but now he doesn't want to be like that anymore.</li>
</ul><p> </p><p>anyways, it's been a wonderful 4 months of writing this beautiful piece of art. i'll miss it immensely, but i really cant find the strength to continue it, mostly because this english course i took completely erased whatever shred of confidence i had left in my writing abilities.</p><p> </p><p>nevertheless! this is not the end of dvwn! i may go back to writing someday, but not anytime soon!!</p><p> </p><p>stay safe n take care of yourselves!!</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>requests are welcome on curiouscat.me/chansrubberduck and in the comments!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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